I am so sorry please forgive me I try to be the voice of optimism but the truth is I do get down very down and I am now today. I am tired so tired. Be content in all situations I have tried and given it my all I truly have; but how much can one human truly take in life what is the limit of heartbreak? Failure? Disappointment? The feeling of utter hopelessness and despair in their situation of a life without happiness? Heaven is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow that is understood but does that truly conclude at most an unbearable life on this earth? I see all the post that read if all you have left is God than you have all you need. That sounds wonderful but we all know as humans we are too human for this to be true and possible while we are still in this earthly body. We need food, gas for our vehicles, a/c in our homes in 102 heat, people to care enough about us to call and enquire when we are missing in action. We need to feel loved, appreciated, respected and we need to feel the approval of those we care about it is a basic human need and nothing is wrong with these things until they are lacking, missing, GONE! Then you hurt. I don’t know what to do or where to turn any more I am having very dark thoughts and ideas. I just don’t know what the right thing to do is any more . The kindest thing I feel would be to kill us all and just quit bothering God with all of it. Yes I have always had homicidal suicidal ideology but never acted on it. Meaning my husband animals then myself just seems the kindest way to not leave him with all the debt or grief responsibility. Our situation is dire as we have none of the things I afore mentioned above. I am angry and frustrated. I am not crazy just transparent I say what I think I leave nothing unsaid where as others may think things and be afraid to even admit them to their selves much less God. I confess all. God sees us clearly all the way through anyway we can hide nothing. We are living in one of the most poverty stricken states in the USA and it has been a real eye opener for me not to mention it is the deep south where people with good manners are raised to mind their own business. That is a ironic considering it is the buckle of the Bible belt and the Bible does tell us we are our brothers keepers and to bare one another’s burdens. There are good Christian people here who are breaking free of the mold that was set before them but none the less it will be some time I believe to really make a change here. God help me today please break free of this darkness that has engulfed me. I need you desperately help me to do more listening and less talking in our quiet time Lord. Help us please to love you more. I believe your word every word. In Jesus name Amen
Posted on: Wed, 19 Jun 2013 19:07:42 +0000
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