I am so tired. My head hurts. I draft away but suddenly wake up because I feel like I am drowning. My body is so cold and I keep taking long hot showers to get warm. Feeling all this pain lets me know that we were real. At moments I think I made you up in my mind. Am I? Were you real? Were we real? Did this really happen? Are you really gone? I am losing my mind. Going crazy. White jacket, padded room and toss away the key, moment. There is that humour. Remember that movie we watched together. "The Jacket" ? Every time he was in it, he made his way back to her? Put the jacket on, Bubbalove! Come back to me! If only it worked that way. Tell me how we are going to sleep tonight. You flat on your back, my head on your left side chest so that I could listen to your heartbeat, my leg over yours, my arm across your belly and your hand on my back, your other hand on my arm and a kiss on my forehead. Never goodbyes at night, only goodnight when we bedded. That was the rule! This was our bedtime story every night. It was your greatest gift to me because I dreamt of you instead of nightmares. I close my eyes and I see that damn car! I try to get to you but I cannot. It is so haunting. Just breathe, Jayli. My pretty girl. That is what you would say. I am trying, Bubbalove. Goodnight.
Posted on: Sun, 30 Jun 2013 11:00:13 +0000
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