I am very aware that I have not responded to any happy new year wishes. I found myself thinking, okay, so it is Wednesday and tomorrow it will be Thursday, just like it was last week, and just as it will be next week. Ridiculous of course, because we have been governed by the Gregorian calender since 1582 so we all know that the Wednesday and Thursday just gone did have a significance and is not just another day. Maybe I will be able to celebrate the new year at some time in the future, but not yet. In order to try to rationalise my thoughts, I decided to be specific about what I miss and what I dont miss about not having Ian around. The dont miss list is easy and short - I dont miss his snoring and I dont miss his insistence at watching endless repeats of Minder on the telly! What I do miss? The telephone calls - usually several times a day Weekends at the racing Saturday evenings in Church St at The Eel Pie and the Indian restaurant Our holidays Always waking me up to say hello when he got in from work even when it was 5.45am! And - overwhelmingly - the Sundays when I would be working in the mornings. He would phone me about midday to ask me where I was and how long I would be because he was ready to go out. I would moan and say didnt he realise I was fighting the traffic / trying to earn a living / needing to get changed and made up when I did finally get home etc. He would just say okay, see you as soon as you get here and ignore my moaning. When I am driving home on a Sunday now, the sadness at not getting that phone call is overwhelming. It just strikes me as odd which bits of the loss affect us the most. It is hard to believe that another year has passed. I congratulate myself on continuing to function at a good level; never drowning my sorrows in a wine bottle and just getting on with life as it is. I have wonderful friends and family who are still there looking out for me - whether I want them to or not (my sister and cousin will get the joke meant by that!) and I know it is just as difficult for others. Thank you to everyone and I mean it really sincerely when I say to you all - Have a wonderful, happy and healthy new year.
Posted on: Fri, 02 Jan 2015 20:54:43 +0000
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