I believe ALL of us wear a mask of some kind that covers varying degrees of our true selves from others. Before we condemn or even judge others in any way, we need to remove our own masks, become vulnerable and experience the fear others feel on a regular basis. I think if we do that the tendency to judge and condemn and drive others away will disappear The mask that each of us wear on any given day; at any given moment varies for all of us. We may have assumed the mask over a period of time or they may be an identity that was given to us. We all put a mask on when we’re afraid. We all drew an imaginary circle around our hearts and dared anyone to come too close. This mask is the image of ourselves that we present to others. It is our false identity that was developed in response to an unsafe and demanding environment, out of fear. We have different reasons for using this type of mask. We may want to protect ourselves from getting hurt or rejected by others. We may want to become what others want us to be, in order to be accepted by them. Perhaps we feel no one would like or love who we truly are, so we hide who we truly are. Or we might not like ourselves so we try to pretend to be like someone else. I think the basic issue is not feeling loved by others and ourselves. This seems to fuel our insecurities and fears and we may find ourselves willing to do anything to be loved by others. Even denying who we are - our beliefs, our values, our desires, our needs. If we don’t love ourselves, then we depend on others to provide that love and make us feel worthwhile. Yet, they may look to us to provide the same thing! That makes for a very unstable foundation for our relationships . Coping mechanisms, like pleasing others, are based on insecurities. We seem to develop our mask as a way to handle our fear of rejection and other painful feelings. Those who wear masks on Halloween are in disguise - pretending to be something or somebody else, but they know its a game of pretend. If we are aware of our masks then we know we are not what we pretend to be. But many are not aware of the mask that they present to others. We all tried to keep the world from us, never pausing to consider that by doing so we also kept us from the world. This creates and keeps us in a state of isolation, and that can be deadly. This is no more prevalent than when working with individuals that have a substance abuse issue. They are masters at wearing multiple masks, to manipuate, and to keep others from seeing them for who they really are. But this works against them, because they become lost behind their own mask and their mask keeps them in a state of denial. It prevents them from gaining the much needed help from others and even keeps from them seeing their own need for help. Using mask is not always negative, however. Masks can help us build our own defenses for the time we need them. They can give us confidence and power, or at least the illusion of power, in a time when we may feel powerless. As long as the masks remain flexible and breakable, we can alter them at will, but we be aware that we are not what we present to others.
Posted on: Mon, 17 Mar 2014 08:28:06 +0000
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