I came across this....and LOVE IT! Pass it ON!!!! Wendy x WHY…..WHY….WHY? Every victim of domestic violence has heard this question. Maybe they have only heard it once or maybe a hundred times. “Why didn’t you just leave?” “Why did you not see what was going to happen?” The answer, though, is always the same “It’s just not that simple.” The truth of the matter is, even though it seems like the answer should be longer, it’s not: That is just the answer. But while people are on the outside asking this question and trying to rationalize what has happened, the victim is on the inside of a very lonely, dark box trying to do the same. Trying to pick up the pieces that are scattered all over the ground before the wind decides to blow and scatter them everywhere. What people need to understand is that the victim is not only asking questions themselves, but trying to formulate some type of answer to everyone else. The only problem is the words just might not be there yet. No one can fully speak for anyone else. But for me as a survivor of domestic violence, and someone who still, three and a half years later, hears those Why questions, I will let you know that the answer to “Why” may sometimes be harder than you think. This is Why You ask me why I feel shame……..this is why: I feel shame because I choose him, I feel shame because I let him in, I feel shame because I trusted him, I feel shame because I believed him, I feel shame because some people ask, “Why didn’t I get out?” I feel shame because I cry….and this why: The put downs were constant, He wanted me to beg, He made my children watch what he did, The bruises and broken bones, there were many, The tears and control were always there……….this is why: He told me I was ugly, stupid, and useless, He told me that I could not survive without him, He made my family leave, He got my friends not to come around me, He beat me like a punching bag, just because he could, He made my life a living hell……… this is why: It is hard for me to trust anyone, including myself, It is hard for me to believe in what I think is right, It is hard for me to think I won’t mess up again, It is hard to think I’ll never get over being ashamed…….this is why: I am ashamed, because I lost my self-worth, I am ashamed, because I don’t have faith in myself anymore, I am ashamed most of all because I don’t always believe some people when they say “It’s not my fault”. Please remember shame, guilt, and fear are very powerful emotions. They can take control and not let go for a very long time. When you feel like this, you feel completely alone, isolated and in the dark from every point of view. So next time you want to ask “why” to the victim, why not ask it to the one who caused all the pain. They should answer that question, not the person they hurt. By A Survivor
Posted on: Tue, 15 Oct 2013 14:45:38 +0000
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