I dont wanna spill all my business all over facebook. But I decided to share a little piece of what Im going thru because I have several friends who battle anxiety and depression just like I do. And before the private messages begin telling me I need to keep my personal information personal, Im not looking for pity. Im sharing so the friends I just referred to know they are not alone and know they have an ear available anytime they need it. There is no way to clearly explain what battling depression or anxiety is like. It affects each of us differently. For me, when my depression kicks in, I just start shutting everyone out, and I start shutting down. Im able to continue cleaning and being a mom. But its just to the extent of whats barely required. I develop the I dont care attitude. My anxiety has so many triggers. And when I feel an attack brewing, it kicks in the depression because having an anxiety attack makes me feel like Im failing at dealing with life and the issues I have to deal with inside myself. For those close to me life isnt easy. They need to understand that I dont shut them out on purpose. But its my way way of dealing with everything. I dont know any other way. Lately its gotten worse. Im making up excuses to leave get togethers and finding that I just want to be alone. Those trying to comfort me or show me affection are making me feel like I cant breathe. But its not that they are doing anything wrong. Its me. The most important part of any relationship is trust; be it friendship or romantic. And for someone dealing with depression or anxiety its ten times more important. Once trust is broken, its never the same again; somehow damaged forever. I feel guilty already for not being able to overcome my battles. Dont make me feel even more like a failure because my shutting down is affecting you too. It takes a strong person to support someone with anxiety or depression. But you cant fix us. And you cant tell us how to fix ourselves. Just give us the patience and time we need to battle our demons. And be there when we need you. Try to understand what we are going thru before you open your mouth. Dont tell us to get over it or snap out of it. Youll only force our feelings into a downward spiral of destruction. I pray each of my friends with demons find what works for them. And in the meantime can find a reason to smile every single day. And for those of you Ive started shutting out, I apologize. But this is how I deal with my demons for now. If you care at all about me, youll understand. I know I have a lot of friends who are there for me. But this is a battle I must fight alone. I have to learn what works for me. I have to make decisions that will better myself. And until Im ready to put myself first, this up and down roller coaster of emotions will continue. But we have to realize, if we dont fight it, and we let the darkness continue to shut us down, well never overcome it. Dig deep and pull out strength you didnt know was there and start taking the steps required to make changes. Fear will eat us alive. For the friends I have that suffer daily from the chains binding them to their demons, and those fighting their battles silently, I pray for you all every day. Im not going to tag you. You know who you are. Be kind people. You truly never know what battles others are fighting. ♡
Posted on: Mon, 19 Jan 2015 19:41:21 +0000
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