I feel like God is calling me to share part of my life walk as a part of my own healing and hopefully it may help others as well. Most of you know Ive been dealing with some health stuff...post partum depression mixed with hand and body tremors and vision changes that make it hard to read and focus and I constantly feel dizzy. Ive been taking many steps to heal all parts of my body..chiropractic, massage, a biofeedback specialist, a bio-set practioner as well as a regular doctor. God has taken me on a roller coaster of a journey the past 9 weeks. Ive never felt so much deep physical or emotional pain in my life. Right when things start to get better or I feel better, another pain is thrown at me. One of the biggest things Im working on is giving up control to God...as I posted yesterday, He wants all of me and he wants me to give him the steering wheel. Every single day is a battle. Some days Ryan and my mom will wake up to happy Casey, other days they will wake up to numb Casey and yet most days, they wake up to cold Casey. I hate numb and cold Casey so much, but at the time cant seem to control it. Every single day is a process...some days I get on my knees and pray other days I yell at God in anger, and some days I lay in my closet sobbing to God to change my situation. Ive been getting deep tissue massages that have been physical and emotionally healing. As I mentally give up control of the pain, my body allows the main to move instead of stay stuck in my body. Today I had another massive, painful layer of control and fear peeled off during my massage (and when I say pain, I mean shaking on the table, cant breath kind of pain...I out this pain up there with childbirth). Every day I ask when is it gonna let up? How much control is enough for you God? I feel like its never going to end After I asked that question, this came to me...the pain will not end, it will just look different and only I can make it look different. I can accept the pain and trials as a gift and the road will get easier OR I can walk through the trials with misery and anger and and lead an unfulfilling, angry life. Today I am accepting the pain as a gift. The man upstairs knows that the pain is serving me well and leading me to bigger, better things. The man in charge knows what hes doing, and I trust Him!
Posted on: Tue, 11 Nov 2014 21:58:17 +0000