I feel like ive hit a tipping point of sorts, and id like to share. The shit going on in Gaza has profoundly impacted me...photos of toddlers with their heads in pieces and their parents screaming in anguish...the type of photos that do and SHOULD rock you, make you stop, make you sick. Unspeakable, horriffic things done human to human to the most innocent. But i unclicked, and i kept going. Because i was at work, and because, somehow, even though, even though it feels unimaginable, we all JUST KEEP GOING. But it lingers, back there on my shoulder, in my subcounscious, and i feel powerless. I dont know what to do. My clickativism, really? Me being self-righteous, or signing a petition, will that REALLY do anything? Ebola in Africa, and now potentially becoming a worldwide scare. Fear and concern for many that are dear to me on that continent, fear/concern about the spread, and what it could mean. A 90% death rate is scary stuff. And then...here, in the sweet kootenays, where things often seem a little more gentle and cushioned, it is tourist season, and people are hot, and crowded, and often a bit mean. I had an experience yesturday where a woman well into her late 30s was acting like a highschool head cheerleader, and was publically harrassing and demeaning those she did not see as worthy around her. People who are angry or wounded in their own lives, shitting on others, because why? Maybe they are powerless to change what is hurting them in their own lives. But this social media gig is feeling heavy in its suffocating hypocrisy...everyone posting elf-righteous and judgemental statuses, about Gaza, about life, about injustice...but man, in a busy grocery store, or on a crowded beach we rarely can be good to each other. We all see that irony, right? As appalled as we all are, we see our own shadow there, no? The places I would usually go for refuge are busy and full of bodies and bikinis and beer and noise, seadoos everywhere, and airplanes roaring overhead, getting ready for an airshow. And every time one roars close to my house, i think bombs. my body has a response. I know i am a very sensitive person, and am old enough now to not apologize for it. all this tells me, its time for me to unplug for awhile and get myself somewhere quiet, without the noise and human madness. Most days, i can let the human madness slide off me. But i guess there are pros and cons to that. The impact that those photos of dead Palestinian toddlers and their anguished parents has stuck with me, each day, i feel a little more unrooted and messed up. And while, my goal is to strive for letting things wash over me, or to be grounded...even just those images alone...i feel deep in my core they SHOULD rock us to the quick. We shoulded be able to just unclick and move numbly on with our day. We should all be raging and weeping because of the enormity of the wrongness of it all. The question becomes what to do with that collective grief or trauma or pain...but i guess, well, i am hardly an expert at life and these huge monumental things. But today, once E wakes up, I am getting the hell out of here. Leaving the tourist fun in the sun, leaving the grating airshow practise, and getting somewhere where i can only hear birds and water lapping (as is my luxury, i recognize that), and I need to give myself a day to reflect on Gaza, on Ebola, on injustice, and our response to it, on human-to-human shittiness as well as human-to-human beauty. I dont know, any more than anyone else what to do, or how to make things different, or better. So i will get myself to water, and stillness and nature, i will pray and probably cry and probably hug my son tight and watch butterflies flutter with him. In the meantime, lets TRY to be gentle with each other. Our human tendency (myself included) is so so quick to judge and lash out, divide into stupid boxes and knock over. We are living in an insane time...its madness all around us. Today i dedicate to the beautiful innocent children who have been slaughtered in War, and war takes so many forms - today i will hold for you. (might be off-line for a few days so if you really need me use the phone just like in old fashioned times)
Posted on: Fri, 01 Aug 2014 20:05:48 +0000
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