I feel the need to post some sort of Ive been alive for 3 1/2 decades blog. Yes, apparently, age 35 has brought with it a sense of enlightenment. Intrigued yet? Good, me neither. Maybe the habit of writing essays is rubbing off. One thing I have noticed about July 17th, my bday, is it is always hot...except for this year. I love the new weather. I believe the cool weather is a direct result of the air show finally moving their show date. On that note, I would like to thank the Vectren Dayton Air Show for finally choosing to move the Air Show to June, on behalf of my birthday, in order to avoid the hot weather. Finally, I got to enjoy a cool birthday. Although I missed watching my uncle passed out in his lawn chair in Mom and Dads backyard @ 9:30am anticipating the Blue Angels (a memory I will never forget, from a birthday long ago). On that note, there seems to be something about airplanes and my birthday. As Ive already pointed out, the air show seemed to always be the week of my birthday. A few years ago, JKF Jrs plane crashed on my birthday and today, a Malaysian plane was shot down. I think Vlad is behind it but who can blame him? There is no one leading the free world right now so hes puffing up his chest while Obama is fetching Aquafina, playing the worlds water boy. Of course, you didnt think I could write a blog without mentioning politics. Hey, be proud. Ive toned it down quite a bit in the last year. Why? Because people who want to know the truth will seek it on their own. It certainly doesnt mean I dont have an opinion, just that I would rather save it for people who actually want to hear it, not people who are only seeking to undermine it. Its very similar to writing music. It never appeals to everyone, but the people who get it, run with it. Its very seldom I wake up without a vocal line in my head. Its kind of like waking up and taking a pee. Sorry to be blunt, but everyone does it, right? If you didnt do it first thing, you might actually worry that something was wrong. If I were to wake up without a chorus of music in my brain, I would be scared. It took me a long time to realize this was not a normal occurrence for everyone. Every morning I wake up with 3 or 4 songs in my head at once, all beckoning Pick Me. I shared this with many people while growing up, only to be met with looks of insanity. In fact, I was 22 when I realized this actually happened to other people. In Barefoot (my first band), John Reynolds said to me, I wish I could plug a 1/4 inch jack into my head. It would make things a hell of a lot easier. From that point on, I began to realize this phenomena did happen, but the people who experienced this were few and far between. It was as normal as waking up to pee for me. Lol, everything else about me including my music, my hair, my taste, my boobs, my lack of female friends, my poor social skills, my willingness to defy normality because I could, my determination to be a singer despite the social laughter that always erupted when I announced that was my profession...was not normal. High school cliqueness was too much for me. I could see past the 12th grade, unlike the majority of people I seemed to be in class with. I even wrote about this later, I can see into the Great Unknown. This is a sarcastic line in the song, My Mountain, on our album Spiderbite, referring to my high school days. I took the hall pass and left school to go to the park and put graffiti on the picnic tables. I took 60 aspirin and ended up in the St Elizabeths Adolescent Treatment Program. Before the days of E-cot and online schooling, I convinced my mother to home school me my last 2 years on the promise I would drop out if I had to go back and be with those people. She obliged me and I did get my diploma. I then moved on to juvenile detention for unruliness. Thank God for my parents. I will never forget sharing the why are you here stories with my cell mates. Im here for rape or Im here for armed robbery. Lol, I was like, Im here for not doing my homework and not abiding by my curfew. Bahahaha. I remember thinking what an uncool answer that was at the time. I was so affected by peoples opinions. So I drank. And drank. Because that was the only thing I seemed to have in common with anyone. It served my purpose (which was to fit in) for a long time. I grew older and my attitude changed from fitting in, to speaking out. What I didnt say through conversation got turned into a song. Music was my release. I began to realize that the opinions I so desperately cared about earlier in life became the very thing I loathed later. I was becoming the person who Id always wanted to be: the one who could care less about anyone elses opinion of me. But this revelation came with a new revelation: Not giving a S$%T meant shedding the emotions that come with reacting to the news that people dont like you or, even worse, dont like your music. Why was this such a hard concept? For years I had listened to music that other people liked, but I didnt prefer. It certainly didnt mean these musicians werent good, just that I didnt like them. Why was it so unacceptable to me that someone not like my music? How could they not like it, or me? I mean, I poured out my soul. I wrote it. They should like it, right? @ 35, I think I am starting to get it. Aretha had it years ago. RESPECT. If you dont like me, my opinions, my family, my beliefs, my anything, you should at least respect the fact that I am not afraid to embody them. And more importantly, I am not afraid anymore of what you think. Because, in reality, unless your name starts with Jesus or God, (or Mom) youre opinion isnt really all that important in the grand scheme of things.
Posted on: Fri, 18 Jul 2014 03:03:18 +0000
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