I got up and spoke at my moms funeral...and I began by quoting a woman named Kara Thewlies Tippetts, who has stage IV metastatic breast cancer, which is now in her brain, and she is dying...In her blog, Mundane Faithfulness, she often states that the absence of goodness is not the absence of God; I talked about how i could see that truth: the many blessings in the manner in which my Mom died- so sudden-- with no pain or fear,or knowledge that shed woken up that Wednesday morning, for the last time in her life. And I spoke of my immediate peace, upon hearing that shed died, knowing with certainty that she was with her creator...and so, so free. But now, with the funeral and chaos of travel behind me, I struggle everyday with finding the blessings, as I yearn to hear her voice and there is silence...as I look for signs and there are none. For the last two days, since our dog came home from the sitter, Ive managed to put one foot in front of the other and take him on long walks....invariably, he heads for the local cemetery, where Ive walked him so many times before...and I go, though Im almost instantly overcome with sadness...and I cry out for her along the paths. I hate this brokenness...but the blessings are that Im facing this devastation and, with Clyde at my side, and the beauty around me, the grief hasnt yet killed me. It moves through me ...and then we go home... Tonight I am thankful for my life...though broken and struggling...i am thankful for the abundance of faithfulness provided by a sovereign God, through the lives who touched our family today, with kindness- Tina Ference and Diane Fishburne...when i feel the absence of God in my sorrow, I am gently nudged that he works through the hearts of those that hes placed around me...
Posted on: Mon, 22 Sep 2014 03:31:38 +0000