I have a admission to make. For the trip that Kristen is on I in no way financially supported her. For that matter I havent been fully financially supporting is for the last two years. I have been a complete mess for the last two years and that is why Kristen took this trip. To get away from me. Honestly I couldnt blame her one bit. I bought into my pain, depression and general shitty position that anyone could imagine. My bed was my home. I over promised, some would said I lied when I told. Kristen I would support her. I havent. Now here is where things have changed. About a month and a half ago I started having these horrible very vivid dreams about things like death and killing and dying. This precipitated a move to the Madison VA. It was here that God made his entrance. He gave me two of the most amazing psychologists that anyone could have. They stopped trying to be my friend as my previous ones. They made me see myself for what I was. They made me face what I have been doing to Kristen for the last two years. He has risen my head. Removed the shame of my past and told me to go forward. I havent been the best husband in the world. Actually I might be closer to the worst. But as Kristen contemplates our marriage I after going to my psychologists and clergy have decided to fight for our marriage even though It may be to late I wont just give up. I registered to start my medical coding and billing classes on jan 15. I have two part time shoveling jobs, please pray for snow, and I regardless of what happens will fight to the last day to show Kristen that i can be who I know I can be. I will follow Gods lead and love my wife with all my heart. I will financially support her on her next adventure and maybe just maybe her heart will soften and we will have the best marriage that we can. God wants that and I want this. I in no way wanted everyone to assume that because I wrote those posts about my wife that we are on good terms. However I will never hide my feelings of her. I love her with all my heart.
Posted on: Wed, 20 Nov 2013 03:07:48 +0000
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