I have a confession to make. I know it may not seem like it, but I am. Deep inside, it hurts. Ive been depressed for so many years, and I dont know how God has kept me alive this long because I was (okay and sometimes am) suicidal. I have days where I am so unhappy that I am really close to hurting myself. But I hear these soft sweet voices that tell me not to & to talk to someone I truely trust. Anyway, two years ago when I was a Sub Clerk I constantly kept getting bullshit from customers. They always snapped at me or rudely talked to me even tho I did absolutely nothing (even when I was a hardware cashier they always did that), and I got sick of it. I never really talked to my co-workers or my boss about it. But it came to a point where I thought everyone literally hated me. Cuz bad enough I had a horrible childhood with being bullied so bad, I got sick of it. So I told myself this is it. Im done! I hate my life! Tonight Im gonna do it, I made up my mind, when its 6 oclock Im gonna storm out of work go home and kill myself. So I looked at the time, it was 4 and thought out my plan and how to do it. I specifically remember listening to an orange iPod with only hip-hop/rap playing. And that playlist was on repeat there was absolutely no gospel in it whatsoever. And while I was planning it out, crying, I started praying Lord please forgive me, I know that its wrong what Im going to do, but Im sick of my life. Please tell my family and my friends especially my best friend (Im not naming) not to hurt himself because of this. Tell them I love them for me. And tell them its not THEIR fault, but that its others. Amen and when I was done with that prayer the music I was listening to stopped. It just stopped. And in the middle of the song it just switched to gospel. A song I keep so close to my heart. It never meant anything to me before, but now its my most favorite song. And it was You Are Someone Very Special when I heard that song I cried and I couldnt stop. Even the lights in the store were brighter than they were when the song played. And thats what stopped me from suicide. And it still does to this day because of the words. Because YOU are SOMEONE to God. Anyway, thanks for reading this. And if you ever feel suicidal. Please, talk to someone. Anyone you trust, even God can help you through it. Because He loves you. ~~
Posted on: Sun, 03 Nov 2013 12:19:25 +0000
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