I have counseled a large number of adoptive moms. A common thing that I hear them say is that they wish their old lives were back. The idea or dream of packing up their family and running far away from their adopted child makes them think that their old life will return as it was. In their minds they envision their old life as an unbroken marriage that was strong, relationships with their birth children as joyful, and yes, even personal sanity. It was a life when God was walking and watching over them. A life when God was present. Its funny how we remember the past. Do you have any childhood memories of places or people that you used to know? Have you ever gone back to those places and thought, “This is not how I remember it,”? If there were things in the past that were unresolved in any way, shape, or form, the adopted child can bring that out. One of the first things I will ask moms is how was your relationship with God before your child was birthed into your home. Most of the time the response will be that it was great. It involved time with God, prayer, church and church activities. When I ask what has changed I will get comments like, “I did what God asked me to do, but I did not sign up for this.” Or this, “I don’t know why God would walk away from me. I brought this child home and He left me stranded. He knew I couldn’t handle this.” The time they spend with God is very little. Then I ask questions about their marriage, communication, time spent together, and time spent with God. The response is usually always that their marriage WAS great; they USED to communicate; they can’t possibly spend time together because they are always on different sides of the fence; God? There is no God in our relationship. The birth children were usually not prepared; struggled with the child brought into the home; have no relationship with God; and repeat the exact same things that the mother speaks in regard to the adopted child. Life in the past always sounds better when we are outside of that life. Most of the time we tend to remember the good things and not the bad. But the bigger issue with this type of thinking is multi layered. The most considerable issue that I see is the concern of their relationship with God. Job made the comment, in his recollection of the past, that those were the days when God watched over him. But Job was mistaken. God never left his side. God continued to watch over him even when he was going through this time of lament. Trials are meant to draw us nearer to our Lord. However, for some, they tend to pull away. When we choose to pull away from God, then everything else in our lives will decline as well. Our thinking is not clear. God always has to be kept the number one priority in our lives. It is the Holy Spirit that will guide us. Yet if we choose to not pursue the relationship with God…if we don’t exert the energy into the relationship…if we don’t seek an intimate one on one affair with God…then He can’t help us. We lose any sort of communication that we had with Him. The alliance is broken and it allows for the enemy to attack. Life is full of trials and difficulties. No one said that living the life that Christ has for us would be easy. Our past lives are probably filled with many “comforts”. God calls us out of our comfort zones and into the trenches. He wants us to draw near to Him so that He can draw near to us. I think Charles Spurgeon says it best when he puts it this way, “Do not sit down to sigh and lament; while the beloved Physician lives there is hope; there is a certainty of recovery even for the worst cases.” God has not left you. He desires a relationship with you. Cling to Him so that you may have hope! Stop remembering how life used to be and flash forward to the life that can be with God by your side. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus! Sonya ~ Responding in faith
Posted on: Tue, 13 Aug 2013 01:51:41 +0000