I have stayed away from this for a while as I have a few Scottish friends most of which have paid their debt to society and are back in the community holding down Jobs. However unless the entire fleet of Malayisan planes fall out of the sky the next few weeks are going to be filled with the Scottish Referendum on every news Channel. As the Dont knows will hold the balance until the election I jumped on my time machine and set it to the near future for a peak Just got back , barely alive its kin madness I tell you . The Election is won by the Independence seekers by a tiny margin but as soon as the No voters hear this they change sides, Within days of the result Alex Salmond declares himself as temporary leader of the new independent state of Jockoslavakia. He orders all English to be routed out and forced to wear lycra leotards and have there heads shaved. They are then bussed from all over Scotland to Prestwick Airport for repatriation. A ramshackle bunch of misfits set up The Tartan Army and march around neighbourhoods trying to find English . Anyone suspected is challenged by the mob and have to say clearly in a Scottish Accent Flash cleans floors without scratchin Failure means immediate deportation. In Glasgow it is like the last days of Saigon. The English scramble to get out. Prime Minister Cameroon has anticipated this and we discover why 2 air craft carriers were being built in Scotland with no air craft available to equip them for another 10 years . They steam up the Clyde and English scramble to get on board 18,200 make it and leave Scotland for good and head home for a heros welcome at Bristol Docks, Cameroon retaliates at the Forced exodus and banishes All Scottish Football pundits and managers of a fleet of Easy jets from Luton. Alan Hanson arrives manacled and strapped to a chair wearing a face guard. Many call for common sense but its too late for that. Within a week the first Jockoslavakia Pound Note is produced bearing the picture of Lulu,Rod Stewart is on the 5 and Sean Connery on the 10 Day 8 < Scotland joins OPEC - Nigeria offer them 500 billion in funding for new Jocoslavakia, Salmond send the Bank details for the the Caledonian Fiscal trust which hold the countrys savings only to find the bank acaccount is emptided within days.Carlisle service station sell their last can of Iron Bru. Day 15 . With no hard currency to support imports Container upon container full of Carslberg Special Brew pile up on the quayside leading to inner city riots.......some disillusions Scots attempt to make it England by crossing the River Tweed at night on rafts . Some young Girls make it alll the way to Newcastle where they are found outside of a nightclub in the early hours demanding Prima Nocte from Drunk Geordie lads. Day 17 Marine Biologist in Brighton Claim they now have the technology to divert returning Atlantic Scottish Salmon up the Trent to a canning plant in Nottingham adding to more economic woes for the foundling state. Scotland announce the opening of the first few of 170 international Embassies costing 100 billion Scottish pounds . They open in Mauritius , Barbados and the Seychells., Alex Salmon in a masterstroke gets the international courts to uphold that lie the i in ipad etc anything prefixed with Mc Or Mac has used the unauthorized intellectual property rights of the Scottish people and payments must be made.Global Giant Macdonalds cant afford to pay and becomes the property of the Scottish , Mc Indians in Leicester pay up and keep trading whilst 90s Bad boy pop star Mark Morrisson gets off with a good kicking. The English Army cross the border near Gretna causing an outcry at the United Nations as Scotalnds first Ambassador there Alex Ferguson condemns this. Cameroon retorts that it is in England interest to protect its borders as several tunnels are discovered and are being used for bringing in Assorted Butter Shortbread biscuits and Arbroath Kippers in defiance of the blockade. Day 19 A humanitarian mission from the EU reaches Kilmarnock . Despite the fact that no one is sic or injured an appeal goes out for Morphine Methadone and needles. Day 20 riots in Corby described as Englands West Bank. These descendents of Scottish steel workers demand they have their own government .Cameroon moves decisively and cuts off all supply of breadcrumbs. Within days Scotch Egg production grinds to a halt and the protesters lay down their bagpipes and return to work. Day 21 I decided to leave . Aberdeen has decided it wishes to be a separate state and free zone. There is fighting in the Glens between old families .Qatar offer millions to build a mosque in the old G5 area of Glasgow now known as Jockistan. In return the complete series of TAGGART is dubbed into Arabic and given to the Amir.. At Edingburghs Johhny Walker Airport Kim Jon il Arrives for trade talks.
Posted on: Sun, 03 Aug 2014 06:53:08 +0000
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