I have struggled lately to post in full authenticity. For I have been plagued with taking responsibility, how much is mine to take, how much is necessary to protect others, what is my personal responsibility towards preventing hurt and pain. Deep questions indeed. And deep sorrow at the lack of insight I displayed when immersed in situations I chose not to see red flags in, so many sorrows rising for the times I moved myself to one side in body, mind and spirit, subjugated myself to the guru or the authority. Sorrow today that I chose to overlook so much out of fear, fear that I didnt know enough, fear of losing connection, fear of doing the thing that my heart told me was the best way because the company I kept did not agree. I am ashamed that I was complicit, ashamed that it took me so long to call out the deceit, that I chose to deceive myself rather than call it out within situation after situation. So, today I will grieve and own my sorrow, my lack of courage fully instead of plastering it with new age speak. For I intend to be in this space fully so that I can move on.
Posted on: Sat, 19 Apr 2014 06:55:05 +0000