I havent had one wink of sleep. Through my own grief and trying to make sense of things, God has revealed something to me and urged me to share. While holding back tears and praying for God to understand my heartache, I started writing an update all about my selfish emotional pain. God quickly intervened. He slowly turned my grief around to show me that He already understands me. Well of course He does, He is God and after all, He had to watch His Son suffer because of us! But just as quickly as I thought I had His lesson all figured out... He opened up more and continued to share with me! He used my heartache to help me understand His heartache... He hurts so much more than I do. He has soooooooooo many more lost children than I do! I have lived everyday the same way as I have for the past two years. This thankful battle of life and death. Blessed with physical healing and with a healthy loving Husband and baby boy... Yet, this burning and painful longing for more. It seems so simple but so complex. I miss my baby girl and my Mom. My best friends. Words cannot adequately express my grief. My mental anguish. My spiritual despair. My desire to stay yet leave this world. My longing for them. God knows this feeling all to well. He grieves for us to choose Him. He longs for a personal relationship with each and every one of us. I thankfully was aware of this but have never thought to compare my life to the One and Only. I hope you needed this lesson as much as I did. Cling to the faith, have a blessed Sunday.
Posted on: Sun, 25 Jan 2015 11:39:47 +0000