I havent written in a few days. I havent really known what to say. Ive gotten up out of bed and been greeted by reports of more unrest and pain. It has filled me with so many different emotions, some of which I am ashamed of. Yesterday, I went to church and was a little disappointed when the subject of the message was about the relationship of marriage. I wanted to be told how to deal with what was going on here in St. Louis. I wanted some direction. My marriage is going good. My life is hard dealing with all the issues of race and hate and resentment is where I need some help. James 1:20 Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. Early on in the sermon about marriage, this scripture smacked me right between they eyes. At first, I thought, “Yeah, those people down in the city need to stop being angry and looting and shooting and then maybe let God start solving their problems.” But of course, they werent hearing these words yesterday morning. I was hearing these words and my anger was the anger that was being pierced by the sharp point of this scripture. I have to say this about God: He does not allow me to remain static in my walk with him. Since I have committed to becoming more than just a consuming leech on the grace that God has graciously given me, God has constantly broken down boundaries that I have placed on the conditions of love that I have been willing and able to give to others. Just about the time that I feel like I have learned to love others unconditionally, God pulls me into the areas that I have reserved, often unknowingly, and filled with hate and other distasteful things that are not pleasing to him. When he does this I feel uncomfortable and filthy. I get a little angry. But I have to face facts and the facts are that I have some pretty complicated and ungodly views when it comes to race. I like to think I dont but as the events of the last week have unfolded, I have to admit that I have a lot of growing to do here. 2 Chronicles 7:14 Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land. This scripture came up in the marriage sermon too. My mind wasnt on marriage and God was dealing with me. Im not going to turn on the news today. The news tends to change my mission for the day and charge me in a negative way. My mission for today does not change, even if what happened on the streets of Ferguson was horrible. I need to extinguish the source of my fear and make up my mind that I am going to be obedient to Gods Word. There cant be a man, a riot, a shooting, a police action or a preacher that stops me from being an obedient servant of God. I have to humble myself and pray, seek God and turn from MY wicked ways. I cant fix anyone else but me. It is much easier to lead someone astray than it is to turn them in the right direction. But there is real power in allowing my will to fall away and following Gods commands. We need a miracle here and Gods got plenty of them to give. Hope is not lost even though many seem to not desire the consummation of the hope God has in store. Nothing that is going on in this world is too great for God. I cant possibly understand his plan and how he is going to heal these immense wounds but I will stand on his promises and let go of my boundaries and stipulations that I have placed on love and obedience to God and his people. God, please be with me today. Please speak through me and replace my words of anger and fear with your peace and love. Im a weak man that loses hope far too easily and gets angry far too quickly. Fill me with your spirit and change me even more than I thought was enough. Overflow in me and wash away the things that have stuck to my soul that I turn to when I foolishly feel that you are not enough. Change my heart and make me grow, even if I resist. Amen.
Posted on: Mon, 18 Aug 2014 10:23:47 +0000
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