I just sent a facebook message to the sister-in-law that, back in November, condemned schools that tell a child that its okay to be gay. I debated over sending it for months, and finally felt that it was necessary. Feel free to read it below and comment on any thought you may have concerning it. _____________________________________________________________ I am messaging you about something that I have been mulling over for the past few months now that you said a while back. I have been debating saying something for a long time now, and finally came to the conclusion that I SHOULD say something to you about it, because it has been eating away at me since November. Around Thanksgiving, you came to my parents house and said, No offense Robbie, because I love you, but I have a problem with schools teaching kids that its okay to be gay. I remained silent as to keep the peace, which I regret doing in its entirety. My response to you should have been, What do you expect them to say? You see, there ARE going to be gay students in EVERY graduating class in every school-some classes may see multiple. I know of 10 others that I had everyday class with that have since come out as gay, bi, or lesbian since high school. Knowing that I was the only one who came out in high school to my friends, I cant always 100% understand why they hid it for as long as they did. Its just part of who a person is, so why hide it, right? I was a bit lucky in that respect. For the most part, my family accepted me.(because they knew long before I did.) It was evident that I was early in my childhood, as Ive been informed and have come to see in recent introspective soul searching. My mother told me how she saw the possibility of it in me at a very early age. Terry, as blatantly oblivious to most things as he tends to be, even said that it was fairly obvious even from the time that I was 8 years old. However, my life has been FAR from easy. Going to school everyday, for me, felt like going to my own personal hell everyday. I suffered from 5th grade up because I was obviously different, even before I understood why I was so different. My whole world was shattered every morning at 6:55am when I would get on the bus, then throughout the day where I suffered name calling, physical attacks, property damage(including my car, my books, 3 backpacks, 2 trumpets and a marching baritone), to teachers joining in and condoning in the aforementioned actions, to the prinicpal eventually kicking me out of school by telling me that Your kind isnt welcome here. My family, as accepting as they have tried to be, still each leave MUCH to be desired and still left me-even from a very early age- as the odd man out. I feel like all of my brothers have had some kind of familial relationship with each other that was never offered to me. And I do understand that it was always difficult for them to communicate with someone so fundamentally different from them in almost every way, but it never made it any easier to be the one that still-to this day-feels ignored and invisible. And in addition, one of my brothers(you know which, Im sure) always hated me for it and our parents for not PUNISHING me for something I could not change, even though I tried DESPERATELY for YEARS to do so. I even, as a teacher, have to fear losing my certification and any future job because of who I am. I can be deemed unfit to teach simply because of who I love. My orientation in no way makes me unfit to work in ANY environment, so you can imagine how painful, how scary, and how unbelievably heart-wrenching that is for someone who has worked his entire life for his career. The thing bout a persons orientation is, it isnt a choice. Under no circumstances would I have chosen anything to occur in my life knowing the pain that it would cause me and the permanent emotional scarring that would result thereafter. No one wants to be tortured, ridiculed, or have to worry each day that they step outside of their home if this will be the day that someone kills them for something they only nominally understand themselves. This is something that applies to people of EVERY country, race, family, religion, location, background, habits, etc. Being gay is not something that anyone who is takes lightly enough to even joke about having chosen. I say all of this because I want you to understand the implications of what you said that day and really think on it. Every time a child who is gay hears about how inherently evil and wrong it is to be gay, that diminishes their self-esteem, their sense of worth, their hopes, their dreams, their desire to move forward. It creates a permanent and inevitable sense of lifelong rejection that cannot be changed once it is set in place by peers, authority figures, and/or a society that makes it clear that they have no place among them. This is why it is a problem when you complain about someone saying it is okay. What do you expect them to say? That it isnt? Dont you think it is more damaging to a childs psyche to condemn them outwardly and condone such condemnation from their peers for an identity they are only JUST coming to understand rather than to teach the whole to be more tolerant, open, and understanding to those who differ from them in ANY way? And something else to consider: Youre a mother now. And before you know it, that baby boy is going to understand and take everything you say to heart and into permanence. If you keep saying things like that or similar, you may never know if youre speaking about your own son. YOU may end up unwittingly being his first bully, which would destroy his sense of self worth before he can ever even form it. I was moderately lucky in that regard. Mama and Terry were both always accepting of everyone different from them. Please grant your child that same right so that hell never be afraid to be different in whatever way that he grows up to be. I mean no offense to you and love you very much, but I cannot in good conscience remain silent on something like this. Its too much. Its too harmful. And most of all, its too inhumane. I ask that you please understand better the concept of very REAL human suffering and how the things you say can and DO affect it. Id like to think and hope that youd much rather be someones inspiration than their condemnation and source of hurt, especially the children in the schools you spoke so negatively of. Please reconsider how you speak of, speak to, and treat people; not just in this regard, but in every regard. Sensitivity IS important, especially when it comes to matters for which you appear to have such little understanding.
Posted on: Sun, 23 Mar 2014 00:00:09 +0000
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