I know I talk & post about my mom a lot but its the way I keep from going crazy after losing her..its how I keep her alive and in some ways sometimes trick my mind & heart into believing shes still here. Some days her loss is much more real than other days. Today was that day. I dont know if yall remember me sharing with yall the time I got off work and went to the cemetery that night to clean up...a couple of my friends from work went with me so I wouldnt be alone and I had just finished talking about how I wish she would let me know shes around more. As I pulled into the cemetery the song Every Breath You Take (the original version by The Police) came on & I knew my mama was there & I just smiled, & cried, & said thank you mama. As I was leaving I called Ash to tell her what happened and she had just heard the same exact song & felt the same exact thing, mama wanted her to hear it...except she doesnt even normally listen to that station. Well last week as yall know Christian left for Florida for a month and we went to eat at Logans before he left to spend time with him and on the way there he started crying saying he wished MawMaw Cathy could come too. I assured him that even though she wasnt there in person she would definitely still be there because she wouldnt miss that for anything. Well we go in and they seat us....in the exact same table we sat in for my bday dinner she took me out to two years ago. Anyways, I smiled about it and remembered that day...she had bought me a dragonfly that was so beautiful and still hangs in my kitchen (dragonflies remind me of my mom and always have). So Ashley calls and I tell her where we were seated and her, Chris, and the kids walk in & as she comes to the table she says this is the same table we sat at when mom brought you for your birthday table and as she sits down and gets settled guess what song comes on....EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE we just looked at each other and was like wow, we knew it was no coincidence, mama was indeed there with us just like she wouldve been in life, especially for her Christians leaving dinner!! So then today as I am on my way home from work I go to get my phone to call my mom like I always used to do almost daily on my way home and it suddenly caught me in the moment..I cant call her :( I start crying, hard down sobbing like a baby missing her voice, missing everything about her & questioning why? I turn from the radio station I was listening to and the song on the next station was playing, once again, to remind me she is always there, always around, EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE. The actually verse I heard first was Oh cant you see, you belong to me. My poor heart aches with every step you take. Every move you make, every vow you break, every smile you fake, every claim you stake, Ill be watching you.....every single day, every word you say, Ill be watching you.
Posted on: Wed, 04 Jun 2014 03:11:48 +0000
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