I learned early on that my grandfather would buy things as a way to express his emotions. If he had upset me, was proud of me, or if it was a holiday, I could count on jewelry. I think that as time went on I subconsciously saw how this behavior would mimic that of my father and most abusers; when they would have an “episode” they would buy the gifts. The gifts were supposed to be a part of the make-up and a promise to never do it again. I believe that this contributed to an aversion that I still have; it is extremely hard for me to accept gifts from men. I don’t care what the reason is for the man to give the gift; I very rarely accept it without guilt. Once the gift reaches a certain dollar amount I just flat out refuse it. I’m sure many of you are thinking, “Just take the gift, what’s the harm?” I have seen some of the repercussions of “gifts”. I have heard men say, “Well I bought xxx and so you owe me xxx.” I have too often seen men and women use gifts as a type of “favor” to be called in at a later date and I want no part of it. It’s funny; I am just realizing some of my reasons behind my aversion buying material things for me. I see no value in most of it and I always find myself saying, “I could have paid that bill” or “I could have done this with the money spent on this item.” I’m slowly overcoming this but it has been a part of me since I was a child. ~M
Posted on: Wed, 31 Jul 2013 20:10:18 +0000
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