I like to think of myself as a mindful person. Someone who sees whats going on around them and appreciates each moment. Today I was devastated to realize Id taken for granted someone who had taken on yet another role in my sons life, that I could no longer do after the accident. When B was 7 months, he cane home. Unable to sit up, he didnt smile much, little response to outer stimulus. So, we (Bryan and I) danced together. We sang. We did pt/ot 3 times a day. Physical therapy was every chance we could. And I talked. I talked to him about everything, sick of my own voice. And we slept. Together and bonded. They said hed never walk or talk, he would die young, severely delayed. But he passed all his goals. Then the accident happened. I couldnt hold him. He learned what independence was. He was 3 but the size of a 9 month old. He learned how to climb up and down things, turn the dvd player on, get his own juice and snacks. Daddy was deployed and missed that. Daddy rarely saw the days mommy couldnt get out of bed. Bryan helping care for mommy. Of mommy pumping so the nanny could feed Ruth breast milk cause she couldnt even hold her own head up much less Ruths. Bryan was there, helping bring mommy supplies. Gone were the days of focusing on him. Pt/ot became few and far between. Utter awe sank in when realizing my son was legally blind and I hadnt even noticed. The call to daddy on the ship was a fit of tears. But I had to box up that devastation of losing the ability to mother in the way I wanted to. Then we moved to VC. Where Ms. Jill became that person. The one to find the motivating factors, to encourage Bryan in growth. Socially, occupationally, academically. And she did it well. Even before the schools had ipads Ms. Jill brought in hers to work with Bryan. She talked about dolphins and whales with him. Then his interest turned to horses. Something Ms. Jill knew about. Their bond tightened. They would laugh and draw and work while sharing their mutual interest. Because thats what Bryan needed to learn. To laugh. Mommy had lost her laugh. Right before Ms. Jill died, she began to ride again. Id like to think Bryan had a little something to do with giving her that spark back. That he gave her something back when I never fully expressed my utter gratitude to her for pouring her love, time and energy into a job that I felt was stolen from me in that wreck. And this year Ms. Jill ( along with many others) did something with Bryan I NEVER imagined he would be able to do. He can READ. He can do MATH. He LOVES science and experiments. It seemed to happen over night. But it didnt. Ms. Jill & Ms. Scarr had teamed up to lay the foundation that will forever solidify Bryans learning. In academics and life. Theres no way to go back and thank her. To hug her and truly express my gratitude. But Jill, please here me now, thank you. Thank you for following that desire God gave you to help others. Thank you for USING the skills He blessed you with. You have blessed our lives, and we will be forever grateful.
Posted on: Sat, 17 May 2014 00:46:16 +0000
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