I love to laugh. I love being goofy, wearing unusual outfits, teasing a smile out of someone, dancing down the hallway, singing in public, and pushing the boundaries of appropriate social behaviors. This is because I remember the time when I forgot how to laugh, when the grey clouds of nothingness enveloped me, and I could see that I was breathing, and I couldnt remember why. And when I love, I love deeply, completely, and unconditionally. In fact, I went and fell in love with the whole damn world, and I forgot how to be selective in judging who does or doesnt deserve my respect and compassion and caring, I forgot how to use moderation in showing people I adore them, and I forgot to make people work to earn my goodwill. This is because I remember the time my emotions died, when the phone would ring and I didnt care enough to answer it, when the pain of others was unable to move me, and I would sometimes check my pulse and be surprised and faintly disappointed to feel that my heart was still beating. And I remember that it was the love other people could still feel that saved me. And so when I go out into this world, I try to do things that make people want to jump up and live. If there is a reason Im alive, a reason I was born into this world, with these people, at this place, at this time, I can only imagine its because, for some unfathomable reason, I am needed, and the world has a place for me. Theres a lot I dont know, but what I do know is this: We were born to seek beauty and be happy. And so if my life has any purpose, it is to make the world a little more beautiful and a little happier because, for this brief time, I was in it. And the prospect of doing such important work fills me with joy and awe, and it also daunts me, because who am *I* to have the audacity to claim this responsibility? But the truth is, we were *all* born to do this work. To bring laughter. To extend love. To jump up and live. And I commit myself daily to embodying this mission, because I know exactly how the world feels when all the beauty and joy and laughter and love and happiness are sucked out. I remember dreading waking up, because that would mean another sixteen hours of consciousness before I could let it all go again. It took me a very long time to see that the world was better with me in it. And so, with deepest gratitude, I have committed my life to making the world a place that other people want to be. In order to do that, I have to promise to take care of myself, to manage my depression effectively, to be honest with my care team, to stay in therapy, and to reach out as soon as I see myself slipping away. To bring love and joy and beauty and hope into the world, I have to love myself first. This is the gift that my depression has given me. #thisiswhatdepressionlookslike
Posted on: Fri, 15 Aug 2014 02:49:31 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015