I need to get something off of my chest. These past few years, I have came up with reasons to be any other place but at home. (Colfax). I always wanna be with friends/bf/shopping/ext.. I used to go to my grandparents house like everyday and then walk right over to my aunt and uncles house and spend countless hours there, just talking. Then I had Braden and then the excuses came. I mean sure I took him to see them but I was 16 still and wanted to be away from this town.. And then around when I turned 18 I started coming back around.. But still didnt wanna be around. Then I moved out on my own to newton. Biggest mistake ever. But then i met Dakota and my dream of wanted to get out of this damn town because of my past and all of the other reasons I had came back to play. Then finally I moved a whole hour away and had Emma. Now at 20, I find myself coming back and wanting to come back to this town.. And now, all those moments I could have used spending time with my family instead of being stupid are gone.. And now one of my most favorite people in this whole world has weeks or even days to live. His wish is to spend Christmas like normal at my grandmas. And although I have known for quite some time that he doesnt have long, it just hit me that he isnt taking chemo or anything. Nothing. And its spreading. Bad.. He probably wont be there for my wedding. Every time I go over the guest list I see aunt Sherri and uncle Sean knowing he probably wont be there.. I have never lost a very close family member and I have no clue how to deal with this. I can tell you this much, I cant go one day without crying.. Its not fair. He is the most nicest and most caring guy in this whole world.. I hope God knows what hes doing because sure as hell dont understand his plan. I keep asking him to guide me.. Another thing.. I have to some how explain this to Braden. I mean he wont really understand but he will know he is always gone. I regret all the times I thought my friends were more important. Moral of this rant.. Dont take anyone or anything for granted. Cherish every moment. Because something like cancer can happen in a blink of an eye and everything you thought you had will be taken from you. 💔😭
Posted on: Sun, 14 Dec 2014 06:12:41 +0000
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