I promise not 2 eat Awoof! Again ... I am happy today. At last, my dream for last Saturday came true today. Do you remember that last week, they beat me out of a party? (Check part 3- the party) ... My younger friend got married today. Abeg, dont ask me why i am still single, at least, we all know that The Beautiful Ones Are Not Yet Born. I went to the party but this time, i didnt take Andrew Liver Salt. It was a serve yourself party. As i got there, i saw tables with rectangular pots on them. I smiled and rubbed my tommy. I quick took an empty seat. In fact, i didnt pay one Dollar attention to what they were doing. My eyes were fixed on the pots. ... Immediately we had the go-ahead to eat, i took a large plate. Dished fried rice, jollof rice, some salad, some fried beans (dont ask me how they cooked the beans BECAUSE i dont know. Food is food), i took some pieces of beef, i saw other pots of other types of meat and i took two pieces each. ... By the time i finished dishing, the large plate was overfilled. Some girls saw me and their mouths formed a big O. Abeg park well, i said in my mind. I am ready to eat and die today. I sat at my table, boned everyone, i even forgot to pray. I ate, ate, ate, ate, ate and ate. I chewed meat; beef, chicken, mutton, and three other types of meat that tasted funny to me. ... After i finished the plate, there was no single grain on it. Then i heard the men at my table discussing the food. 1st man: Men! The rice they cooked is superb. (I kept quiet) 2nd man: Did you eat all the types of meat? I really enjoyed the beef and mutton. (that one doesnt concern me. I started pickin my teeth) 3rd man: You should have tasted the lizard meat. It was like chicken. (my heart beat a loud GBOOOM! Li-what?!) 2nd man: I actually ate the snake meat. I guess it was a python! (my brain started writing ERROR! ERROR! Please reboot! Are these people joking? Python or Pythagoras) 1st man: The moment i ate that monkey meat was when i stopped eating the frog meat. These couple tried. (Immediately i stood up! This is bad news. Only me: lizard, snake, monkey and frog. I don die. Who asked me to eat all these meat) Well, i decided to ask one of the caterers assistants. Excuse me ma, did you prepare lizard among the meat? i asked with my heart pounding. Yes sir. We prepare Chinese dishes, European dishes, Zulu dishes, and others. The reason being that the groom told us that his foreign associates would be here. she concluded. ... I held my head with two hands and shouted: I don die today! I was looking for water to wash my mouth with when my tommy made a loud noise: Whruuumbleeee. I felt like defecating but i was already by the expressway, trying to get a bike to my area. A man that i met earlier gave me a lift in his car, with his family members. ... The cars a.c was on. I was sweating. My anus kept threatening to release the excreta above it. I kept squeezing my buttocks to the chair. The mans daughter asked me, Bro K.J, why are you sweating despite the a.c? I looked at her and said, It is a drug i took. It causes excessive sweating. ... The man went to the fuel station, he parked, i was sweating. The mother and her daughters were gisting, my own anus and I were having arguement about the shit above it. The attendant started looking for change, my body was on fire. ... As i dropped in my street, i began a race towards my house. I was in my corridor when i had removed the trousers and boxers. I dashed to the toilet and.... ... It was LOCKED from inside. WHO DEY HERE?!! You better come out quickly before this place burns down! i shouted. A lady rushed out of the toilet with her pants down. I rushed in and the next sound from my anus was like shit sound; PRRAAAAHHH MTUUUEEE GBOOOM! The lady who ran out realized that i had played prank on her, and hearing those shitty sounds, she cursed me; Na shit you wan shit wey you make me carry yansh commot toilet. Mad man. Na thunder go block your stupid yansh! ... I was resting on the toilet bowl, the sweat had dried up. I promised never to eat awoof again. ... Gud morning and hapi sunday
Posted on: Sun, 22 Jun 2014 06:00:00 +0000
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