I put this hardcore truth here on FB...so you brothers will understand, you have to open up. Believe me I take no joy in being so brutally honest. The days are livable the nights are the lowest level of hell, and damn it all I am out of cigarettes, just sitting here Blowing Smoke Rings In The Dark...shit this guy is still trying to take the wisdom of some cowgirl and start Learning to Bend Im still learning how to pray Trying hard not to stray Try to see things your way Im still learning how to trust I made this statement years ago to someone close to me at that time. I dont want to die when I am already dead! I want to live life to the fullest and go out while I am alive I am well on my way day by day...to living again, finally. I sure hope so anyway because damn the greatest struggle I have ever faced is finding a reason to want to live through this mental fog of pain caused by lose and rejection. It keeps me up at night, it causes my heart to race with anxiety., I baffle myself on how I keep it together and dont just drive straight into a concrete pylon at 95 mph...its simple really I believe in the One, and He is there for me. I would hope my brothers who are at their end RIGHT NOW would understand that when you have tried everything and it has failed to help you....try God! Believe me with out a higher power being here for me especially with the pain of the past raping my mind every night, there is no way I would have made it through this last year absolutely alone broken in a wheelchair. I could easily go back to being drunk every night just to deal and then pass out, but it still I know It Aint The Whiskey thats gonna get me through this....I am still learning to live, still learning to forgive, still learning how to open ALL the way up...still learning how to bend. I plan on making it boys...whatever the hell I have to say or do to fight through this! Bemiss Jay Strong
Posted on: Thu, 14 Aug 2014 07:31:46 +0000
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