I read the comments. I got the phone messages. I thrived on encouragement. I toyed with the idea. I balanced my options. I weighed up the pros and cons. And I listened to my husband, my coach, my friends – and finally I had a little talk with this body and asked it what it wanted to do. And then I shut up for once and listened. Sat in peace, slept like a baby and let the right answer flow through me rather than trying to force my opinion on myself. For those that are reading this, it may be interesting to note that this isn’t just a competition. It’s a lifestyle that I live 24/7 at the moment. It takes over. It permeates my thinking. It drives my willpower and my decision-making. It deprives me of my kids. It severely limits my time with my husband. It annihilates my ability to catch up with friends or go out at all. It decides for me what I eat, how I use my energy, which muscle group to train, how to train it and how often I need to subject myself to brutal cardio sessions. The food needs a bigger explanation; right now I measure, weigh and package everything. Not just “most” things. Everything. Grams of meat. Grams of vegetables. Cups of salad greens. Number of nuts. Litres of water. Tsps of flaxseed oil. It’s all weighed to the gram and pre-packaged so as not to be wrong. There’s not enough of it… ever. I am hungry. And I try not to think about it all day long so I plan to stay busy and I plan my meals so that I can eat and then do something constructive in order not to listen to my grumbling guts. I also pile in water. Litres and litres and litres. Does this denial affect me? Bloody oats (whoops…oath!!...everything goes back to food for now!!) it does!! I go on mood roller coasters where I feel on fire with drive!! And then I dip like a light in fog!! I tend to get irritated with idiots quicker than normal. And I feel emotions that bring me to tears instantaneously. Food deprivation at any level affects your whole being. So, as you can see, it’s not just a matter of deciding to do a comp. It’s more a case of signing up for a hell of a turbulent time for another 3 weeks in order to hit the World Championship stage in the leanest and meanest condition I can. With all that in mind. I’m going. I can’t not – if that makes sense. I’m taking it all the way and I’m going to ease my mind that I went as far as I could in 2014. I have a goal of doing my best in my division. I have no illusions of winning but I want a competitive placing. That’s being brutally honest. And, for the last time in 2014, I want to hear my husband, kids and friends cheering out for me. That brings me great joy.
Posted on: Wed, 15 Oct 2014 23:59:46 +0000
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