I realize that my posts make me seem like a teenage hormonal girl that lost her virginity to an asshole behind the bleachers, and that no one that these should reach will see the songs or pics of how i feel to make a difference... I also know that I look as though I am losing my shit, but in reality, I post these things for me to be able to look back at when in my future near or far, decide to move on or even if I get the chance to repair damages made with that special someone... i can go back and look at the things that spoke to me and know what i have to do to make things better or to do the things thati wish i had done in the past relationships... These things all speak TO ME, and are for no one elses entertainment nor to show anyone but myself anything... I am emotional and lost, I am still strong and level headed, I AM STILL SOBER and I will not fall off due to pics and emotions I am feeling... I know people are worried about me due to the fact of me posting so much TO MY WALL, but it is my therapy as is getting alone in my car or house and turning up the saddest sappiest songs... not to punish myself, but to remind myself later when i lose sight of my goals and ambitions that changes should be made as needed versus as felt... I am going to be ok, it WILL take time and there will probably be so many more sappy songs about love and loss and more pics about rainbow farts on butterflies and flowers... Time, faith and support will conquer all the wrongs in my life, i have faith and support, I just need time now... Day 26 of sobriety and even though the want and need to drink ios gone, there are 21 years of suppressed emotions old and new to deal with... The demons are strong in this guy and I cannot just wake up and be ok in a month... I miss her, I love her, I want her with all of my everything, I want my family back regardless of mistakes made on either side and know that things can come out better than ever dreamed of on the other side of this... If not, I am also preparing to move forward and let someone else enjoy the spoils of all her hard work in protecting herself from my disease and also in saving my life and adding years to it... in Summatio9n, I do this for me and no one else, I post these for my own memories and to prevent my future bettered self from going down the same road... If i offend anyone in my posts and rants, I apologize and you know where the unfriend button is... lol I am me and I am doing me right now until i find me again... If you happen to see me, stop me and remind me that I am me and really need me to return and be me yet again... Thanks for all the outpouring of good Joo Joo and thoughts and prayers and all are appreciated and truly needed and desired... Please continue, this is a long journey that i fear is no closer today to conclusion than it was the day she left, but In sobriety a lot comes out through time and clarity... I love you all, thanks for the concern, but I am and will be fine with or without her... thanks for your time...
Posted on: Thu, 28 Aug 2014 17:11:09 +0000
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