I received a message from a young mom last night that drove me to tears. With her permission, Id like to share it with you - this mother needs a hearty dose of FFF support. I share your feelings of frustration about the atmosphere that led her to feel this way, but lets focus on supporting HER in her journey rather than railing against the system at the moment (plenty of time to do that in other contexts) - because of all threads, this is one where I dont want any drama to dilute the goal of support. J. writes: I am a young mother. From the day I found out I was pregnant, I had already decided that I would be breastfeeding full-term. I had planned to go to 4 years. Had it all figured out- or so I thought. I never anticipated just how difficult it would be. At the hospital, I was diagnosed with flat nipples and forced to wear a nipple shield that caused me stinging pain at each feeding. I only lasted 3 days until I broke down and started pumping and bottle-feeding my breastmilk. My son is 3 months old now. Exclusively pumping has taken over my life. My pump is my second baby. And I absolutely hate it. Ive been told & have read multiple times that bottle-fed babies have a much weaker bond with their mothers, and are more likely to be troubled behaviorally as teens. And its absolutely breaking my heart. Im crying as I type this and pump. Ive gone to all this trouble pumping for my baby, just to be told that my son and I wont ever have that special bond. And I dont know how to cope anymore. I dont even feel like a mother for not nursing. I feel like a complete failure and I just want to give up. All I ever wanted to do was give my child the best possible start to life. And I couldnt even do that, apparently. I feel so alone and dont know what to do. Im on the edge of emotional self-destruction. I just dont know what to do. I cannot, for the life of me, understand how fellow mothers get off on tearing each other down. Being a new mother myself- having gone through the post-partum depression, the anxiety, the hormones, the transition; I cant even imagine attacking someone in that vulnerable of an emotional state. I never knew just how much it could hurt. I have a full can of a formula in my house that I have never touched, even though it would bring me immense relief, because I fear that my child will get cancer. Which I know is absolutely ridiculous. I know it is! Yet I cant shake those harmful thoughts from my head, thanks to the stigma that has been pounded into it by many above-us-all mothers and their studies. I was adopted and belong to a wonderful camp for Hispanic adopted children and parents- all of which (including myself) were formula fed from day one. And the majority of us are very successful, happy, healthy, and grateful people. I never knew how much hatred there was towards formula until I became a mother. I was never pro-breastfeeding, Im pro-informed choice. Why cant it just be left at that? Why do others need to bully, demean, and hurt? Even passive comments like Im going to bf for at least a year so that my baby never has to get a drop of formula are enough to bring me to tears. So much so that Im becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. Ive heard so much negativity that Ive started to believe it, and feel more distant to my son. And I cant tell you how much that tears me apart. I would do anything in the world for my son. I love him to death. But our relationship is straining because of this. My emotional health is straining. I find myself ashamed to feed my baby in public in fear of judgement that Im not a good mother. Thats how I feel.
Posted on: Fri, 24 Oct 2014 16:16:35 +0000
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