I remember when hiding behind my light brown skin was my only way out. When deceiving others by making them think I was a mixture of anything at all as long as they didnt know I was all the way black was my medicine. I remember the fear of any friends coming to my house and seeing all of the African Arts and statues in my home including the giant map of Africa on our wall. I remember being told to pinch my nose so it wouldnt get too wide and I needed a relaxer to have good hair and the burns and scabs it left on my scalp every time. I remember being told that if i were a few shades lighter more boys would like me because then I would at least look Asian. I remember crying at 3 in the morning and calling my dad because people at my school kept telling me black girls had the ugliest features and their hair smelled bad. I remember being asked if I knew what a porch monkey was by my class mates and standing their in my own confusion and sorrow as i wondered why I was such a problem, and if i dared to stand up for myself I became the angry ghetto black girl. I remember the second grade when my teachers made slave food out of pig fat and corn meal and having me eat it in celebration of black history month. As if slavery was something to celebrate. I remember feeling lower than any one else in the classroom and feeling like a slave was who i was. I remember laughing at jokes about black people because we were always the funniest thing to talk about anyhow and showing my disapproval would have only made people laugh harder. I remember when neck roles and hey shanaynay was always in reference to me as if that has ever been apart of my character. I remember the pain. But i also remember the first time I heard the history of my people beyond the time of Martin Luther King and the slave era. I remember the comfort it gave me and the way it stimulated my mind and the rush of relief I felt. I remember how knowing the truth rooted a passion and love in me that ran deeper into my soul than any joke and any insult and any lie I had ever heard. I remember the first time I realized just how beautiful my black really is, and I will never again see it any other way.
Posted on: Fri, 17 Oct 2014 15:08:12 +0000
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