I should be picking up a cake today. I should be excitedly anticipating the arrival of family and friends for a celebration. Instead I wake up from a restless sleep and I cry. Today we should be celebrating Carls second birthday. Instead I feel his loss more acutely. I gave blood yesterday. Oddly enough that is what I did to Carl on his first birthday. The nurse saw my minion Carl tattoo and asked about it. I told her, briefly, tearlessly, about Carl. Then I laid down to give blood. As I lay there I thought back to last year and I remembered just how precious a gift donated blood was to Carl and our family. His mood and energy always improved after a transfusion. In remembering that I began to tear up and the nurse wordlessly handed me a tissue. I have said it before, the pain doesnt go away, the loss of Carl will be with us for the rest of our lives. Every birthday, every holiday, every day that ends with a Y will be a day that we miss him dearly. My birthday gift for Carl this year was to give blood yesterday and to wake up everyday with the commitment to not let the sorrow consume me. He used to laugh at me when Id cry. Oh how I wish I could hear him laughing at me right now. Today the sorrow will not win. Today, for Carl, I will laugh and I will sing. Happy Birthday Bubba!
Posted on: Wed, 02 Apr 2014 11:42:40 +0000
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