I sit here, view of the park, watching people cruise around in working bodies. Feeling compelled to scream out dont take those bodies for granted! I live in constant fear about talking about my body. When you are surrounded with believers in manifestation and mind over body it can be empowering and lonely all at the same time. I fear that if I truly expressed my pain, the world will judge me. I fear that if I actually acknowledged exactly how much pain Im in- Ill give up. I fear that The weight Ive gained is seen as laziness - when I have not one lazy bone in my body. Truth is I love food- AND I have lost my ability to move as I once did and take medicines that increase weight. Im afraid of being judged for all of that. I fear that when you look at me you fail to recognize my struggle- all the while knowing that I dont speak of it for fear of being seen as a complainer. Im afraid that if I loose my ability to move, create or the ability to adventure that I will be useless. Im not perfect. I dont even want to be perfect. But I do wish to be seen. Just because I own a business that stands for all that it does doesnt mean Ive perfected the process. It simply means I wanted to create a place for all to practice these principles. Just because I know a zillion people doesnt mean that I dont value privacy and long to be seen as a regular human being. Im afraid of sharing my joys for many of you have expressed the fake way people show up on this networking site. But do you really care about the hurts? The hardships? Is that what you really want to read about? Scroll through? Should I post a selfie of me crying alone in the park? Would you want to see that? Would that make Facebook, less fake or more obnoxious? Or would it just emphasis my obvious need to be heard, recognized or attended to. My name is Kristi Grand. Im a blood carrying real human being. With great intentions of being the best I can while balancing a challenging life and body. Im tired of living in fear of what people think. I am not as strong as you may think... And this year I intend to embrace my weaknesses.
Posted on: Thu, 01 Jan 2015 21:04:54 +0000
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