I struggle with suicidal feelings a lot. My first attempt was when I was 11 years old. I was in foster care at the time. I was placed in a psychiatric hospital. I started self-harming at the same time. I came from a home where I was the direct target of my fathers extreme abuse. The other kids were shown love while I was always told how horrible I was. Despite looking like my father he always said I wasnt his. In not such a nice way. The abuse was extreme. When I went into foster care and was separated from my brothers and sisters it was too much to handle. I was put in homes where the abuse continued. I would run away. Finally raising myself on the streets. When I lose aomeone I love the pain is unbearable. I used to try and get my fathers approval always wondering what was wrong witg me why he hated me so much. When I went into foster care I had started therapy. It was noted that I was emotionally fragile and depressed that I dissociated a lot and was defensive of my parents. Meaning despite the abuse that I would stand in their defense whenever they tried to say anything negative about their treatment of me. I didnt get my medical records until much later and I didnt know about the dissociating until I was having some money troubles and Melody suggested I try to get SSI. Play the system. I didnt need to play them and I still didnt get it despite their own DRs saying I needed it but that is a different story. I dissociated in the office while tal e talking about Cindis treatment towards me. I heard thr
Posted on: Thu, 25 Dec 2014 14:17:14 +0000
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