I talked to my good friend Ashley Stringer Clark tonight and cried - TopicsExpress



          

I talked to my good friend Ashley Stringer Clark tonight and cried like a baby not going to lie lol because she said she knows over 2,000 people praying for Addyson, well both gals . I have over 700 friend requests right now and I am almost at the limit for friends so I cant add everyone :( I have alot of messages and so many notifications I havent been able to even have 10 minutes to look at in the past 5 days. Please know I will read every single comment, nottification, and email just right now Im going to be honest because I just am an honest person. I want to look brave and strong and always try to hold it all in but I have been crying alot. I just feel a little down because Ive well andrew as well, literally dedicated our entire lives to the gals the last 3.5 years. I follow every instruction the specialists have always gave us, I gave 10 meds to each girl on a schedule and wouldnt even be 5 minutes late for it, I did everything I was suppose to do, and sometimes it feels like its never good enough because something else always go wrong. Thats a hard feeling to deal with. Then I feel guilty for being upset because I know I should be grateful my gals are even alive and there are moms who are dealing with way harder things that we are. I guess I just dont want everyone thinking Im so strong because Im really not when it comes to the gals. I almost threw up while the dr. Was talking to me today because Im just scared. During the day until the gals go to bed Im so busy that I dont have time to really think but once they go to bed, my mind is just torturing me. I tried looking up some things on the Internet tonight and freaked myself out so Im not looking at anything anymore online. I guess I just didnt want to pretend that Im being so strong and have messages saying Im so strong and I feel like Im deceiving my friends. I have had to depend on anxiety sedation medicine just to fall asleep and Im sure this message probably doesnt even make sense and Ill read it in the morning and wonder what Im even saying, so bare with me if I didnt make sence. I just want to be truthful and not take credit for being strong, when really I am struggling and kind of angry.
Posted on: Sat, 09 Aug 2014 05:06:41 +0000

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