I think that intimacy means different things to different people. No two persons have the same exact idea of what should constitute a “happy/peaceful” marriage or relationship. I think that people’s views are conditioned by their own experiences and the experiences of those they see around them. There is also a third factor which I may call fantasy…you know those stories of Romeo and Juliet, Cinderella and co. So many have being written and continue to be written about love, relationship and marriage. A curious look always reveal one underlying factor. And that is the mentality/state/condition/mindset of the person involved. Note that I did not say the mindset/mentality of the parties/persons involved. Why? Again I think that people miss it when they start analyzing and evaluating their partner. I think that it is really about oneself “own” self-evaluation and appraisal. On the average, no one is out rightly a devil or a saint. This means that there is always a mixture of what can be considered as the good and bad qualities in everyone although these traits differs in degrees of manifestation from person to person. Taking a critical look at relationships and dating, it becomes clear that initially there is always an enthusiasm inherent in the parties involved. That suspense to know and explore the other. That thrill that we get when we are exposed to a mystery, an unknown quantity. This is what many people call the “love is blind” syndrome. However with more contact, more time spent together and the daily situations and circumstances that life throw at us each day, there comes an increasing discovering of each other’s personality, character, weaknesses and strengths, the earlier hype and excitement start wearing off, gradually reducing to a point whereby you are only stalk in the relationship because of “other factors” not because of the happiness or fulfillment within the relationship. The mystery having being de-mystified. Everything now lay bare and the excitement is long gone. This is when maturity of the “psyche” of the two parties is counts. At this stage of the relationship, if both parties are still trying to push each other to live-up to those earlier expectations and illusionary perfection built on false foundation, the relationship/marriage must tear apart. I again think that real maturity of the psyche is the ability of one partner to look inward to him or herself and out of “expediency” live as desirable as possible in the eye of the other. This means making a sincere and arduous effort to be who his or her partner fantasies. This is not a lean task. The most ideal situation is when both parties are mentally balanced to pursue these as a conscientious effort. This goes to mean that people must make sacrifices for their relationship/marriage to not only work but to be what they envisaged it to be. Many couples/partners have contributed towards certain positive changes in the character of their partners within a lifetime thereby aiding and contributing to their overall spiritual ascent in the evolutionary scale. Finally, permit me to think again …hmmm for the last time that people whose character are more attuned towards reconciliatory posture and learning from each other live happier and last longer……..! Warning: this has nothing to do with “maniacs” that continue to live in unhealthy, harmful and dangerous partnership of any kind whereby physical, psychological and emotional abuses is as prevalent as PHCN power outages. My above post concerns “healthy” minds that respect oneself and value their union/relationship. Lease I forget, am not a dating or marriage councilor…….hmmmm……am only trying to make sense of it all……hoping that one or two lines here strikes a chord and resonates with your being!
Posted on: Thu, 06 Mar 2014 09:36:00 +0000
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