I think this is the longest post I have ever written...Its funny because its TRUE!! I hope you take the time to read it. So how about this, friends & neighbors... I was trimming the hedges (with electric hedge trimmers) earlier, readying them for the barrage of spooky webs and such. I got to the Box Wood Hedge next to my steps and OMG let the show begin...I buzzed the top of it & about 2 DOZEN wasps come zipping out... all of them after ME!! So I did the only logical thing...NOooo I didnt drop the trimmers and run. I would never turn my back on a swarm of angry wasps. I was wielding the trimmers out in front of myself like it was some sort of LIGHT-SABER, while running backwards and swinging the trimmers at the wasps. I am certain I heard one of them burst out laughing, followed by the phrase...OMG she thinks the force is with her. At this point the chase ceased and I was grateful to not be forced into stripping in my front yard by some GANGLAND WASP POSSE. I caught my breath in time to realize the bastards backed me into an ANT BED...where at least 10-15 of the FIRE ANT CRIPS had attached themselves to my right foot and calf then worked as a team to rain HELL FIRE down on me....I still managed to hold on to my MIGHTY LIGHT SABER TRIMMERS just in case the GANGLAND WASP POSSE decided to kick a girl when shes down. Now I am stomping my right foot trying to shake the Fire Ant Crips off as well as dislodge them from between my toes...this took a bit of time and EFFORT on my part. I am sure that passers by were trying to figure out exactly what kind of REDNECK dance I was doing in my front yard & why I was doing it with HEDGE TRIMMERS, of all things!! By the time I rid myself of the Fire Ant Crips, the GANGLAND WASP POSSE have settled back into their bush and are laughing about the FAT WHITE YODA LADY with the unlit MIGHTY LIGHT SABER TRIMMERS...I know this because I hear them snickering as I walk past. I carry my MIGHTY LIGHT SABER TRIMMERS up the steps and finally rest them on the front porch. I decided to get even with the GANGLAND WASP POSSE. Into the house I go and when I returned to the porch I was equipped with a can of GANGLAND WASP POSSE WHOOP ASS also known as Black Flag Flying Insect Spray. I pick up my MIGHTY LIGHT SABER TRIMMERS (which, btw, are still plugged in) I walk to the railing where I am standing TOWERING above the GANGLAND WASP POSSE lair...GANGLAND WASP POSSE WHOOP ASS in one hand MIGHTY LIGHT SABER TRIMMERS in the other and a devilish grin on my face. I throw the MIGHTY LIGHT SABER TRIMMERS onto the top of the GANGLAND WASP POSSEs hide out....They swarm the Trimmers and I blast them with my Can of WHOOP ASS...they cannot find me in the fog I have become one with the FORCE. After about 10 minutes I grabbed the cord of my MIGHTY LIGHT SABER TRIMMERS and retrieved them, hand over fist...slowly pulling them back to me...I trudged down the steps with my MIGHTY LIGHT SABER TRIMMERS safely in my hands and the FORCE at my side...I thrust my Trimmers into the Box Wood and pulled out what was left of the GANGLAND WASP POSSEs crib...Tomorrow its bye-bye FIRE ANT CRIPS...I got a present for ya in the garage. Mwaahahaha. If you see anything that resembles this story on youtube please let me know as it was filmed without my knowledge. PS...YES I am ok.
Posted on: Tue, 30 Sep 2014 00:15:40 +0000
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