I thought I was gonna die... it was by far the BEST day of this entire holiday. Our day started out a bit later than usual - the plan was to just chill... ideally by the pool but we as soon as we got down to the lobby we started to browse the tour brochures. It was always our plan to ride the elephants but there are so many different tour options available its difficult to choose. We selected the Hills tour, incorporating feeding a baby elephant, a 30 minute elephant ride, a 15 minute monkey show, a visit to the big Buddha and a 3hr ATV mountain trek. Wed planned to book before we left KL but the weather forecast in Phuket all week was supposed to be storms so we didnt bother. This morning however the weather appeared to be perfect so we booked it in for the 2pm tour. We decided to go for a walk up town to pass some time. As we approached the lift in our building a tall, attractive female was standing at the doorway. She looked at both Matt and I and then walked up to me and started speaking in some foreign language, she spat those words out a hundred mile an hour and I had no idea what she was saying. When she took a breath I shrugged my shoulders and said Im sorry.. I dont understand. It didnt matter, she kept on going - when the lift arrived at our floor, we climbed on in and Matt burst out laughing! There is approximately 200mtrs from our hotel to the intersection of our road - it would be no exaggeration to say there are 30+ massage operators on the strip and they ALL want your business. Massage for you Mam? Matt has always wanted a suit but at 6ft5 it has been difficult to find a decent fit - the first tailor we passed lured us into his store and before we realised what was going on he was already measuring Matt up and selecting fabrics. He agreed to whip up a suit, (jacket and pants) in 24hrs. Thats pretty amazing. We carried on down the strip and passed another 6 or 7 tailors... Wow all the competition in 1 spot astounds me - it would be perfect if I was any good at this bargaining stuff, youd be able to play everyone off on one another but that knowledge is lost on me cause Im still shit at negotiating. On the side of the road was a large fish tank with an abundance of tiny fish. I had heard of the fish pedicure and considered doing it but now, looking into that fishbowl, I was beginning to wonder if I had the guts. Matt paid the lady 100 baht (approx AUD$3.50) and she was already at my feet removing my jandals and pushing me to sit down. I held my feet above the water and kept letting out uncontrolled squeals as she pushed my knees down and plunged my feet into the tank. Instantly the fish began to nibble, 1st only a couple, and then every little sucker in that tank was latched on and it was a feeding frenzy - I refused to look. The sensation was unusual. Like a constant tingling, not painful, just strange. A tailor was standing on the roadside trying to get Matt to buy another suit. He was prepared to charge 1500thb less than the one we were buying. He kept talking to me as the fish were chewing on my feet - I couldnt concentrate, my body was stiff just trying to deal with one thing at a time and he went on and on and on about how he could do a better deal. He also told me that the fish were enjoying their meal and that they like white skin??? Far out man... Too much! 5 minutes in and I was over it, but the lady kept pushing my knees down so my feet wouldnt come out and smiling as she did so. I needed to get my feet out of that bowl so I opted for a manicure and pedicure - that little lady scrubbed, scrapped and chiselled my toes into pure perfection. There was no fancy foot spa, just a bucket of water and some dedicated attention. I sat there for 1.5hrs. I could see Matt out the window walking up and down the street on the phone while drinking a Heineken tallie... Crack up. It was getting late and we needed to get back for our tour. Matt was having a ball and after a couple of beers he wanted to party. The tour operator picked us up and took us straight to the Hills. As we pulled up there were 2 young elephants chained by the foot - there were other tourists no doubt dying to get a glimpse but I bounded out of that van and started kissing and cuddling that elephant. Matt stood on the other side and the elephant put his trunk around Matts waist for a cuddle, then his neck and then he gave him a kiss on the cheek or sucked his face with his trunk. It was the most amazing thing and we both felt so emotional. From that minute on Matt had tears in his eyes. We were escorted up to a little shop to wait for the elephant ride - I got a coconut and Matt a beer while the 2 Thai ladies tried to sell us some balm, they were busy massaging our necks when we were called over for our ride. The elephant was parked on the side of a cliff face and we both climbed on board - a man draped a seat belt across us and tied it off loosely on the side. I was trying to balance my coconut, Matts beer, and my body while Matt hunted around in his bag for the camera. My abs got a killer workout up there, I was holding on for dear life... Thanking the elephant with every slow step he took down that mountain face - thank you elephant, what about thank you driver our driver asked - it was the first words he spoke and Matt and I were instantly pleased he could understand English - where you from he asked? From that moment on it was kiwi kiwi kiwi Aussie Aussie Aussie oink oink oink, gday mate, gday mate... On repeat for 30 minutes - he had us in hysterics. He explained that our elephant Charlie Chaplan was 25yrs old and he was THE MAN, he had 3 girlfriends and a BIG banana haha. It was pretty full on, Matt and I found ourselves ducking under power lines and we were walking awfully close to that edge. Our driver reached for Matts camera and started to climb down Charlies neck. We were parked right next to the cliff face and Charlie was busy eating. Where are you going? I asked, shitting myself thank you sir for my new camera he said as he was laughing his head off. He took a couple of photos and then asked me to climb down onto the elephants neck. I cant express how close we were to that cliff face and the drop would have been an easy 200mtrs. Like riding a bike Mam - on Charlies head he said - all the while he was cracking up at himself. I climbed down and sat tight in on Charlies head with my legs behind his ears. He began to walk and kept putting his head down to eat but every time I felt a little unstable up there he would wrap his ears around my legs and hold me tight in place - incredible. I rode Charlie half way back up the mountain - we didnt see anyone else get that experience and I was extremely humbled - mean-while our driver was running around our elephants legs taking photos of his penis - he pulled it out the side and called look Mam see Charlies big banana - funny! We passed about 15 elephants on that trek - 3 females who were all pregnant to Charlie. Apparently elephants are pregnant for 20 months. I was completely moved, what a phenomenal animal - I love Charlie ;-). We were picked up by another mini van and taken to the monkey show. Neither Matt nor I were keen to see the monkeys. You hear so many horror stories that it influences how you go about your holiday. Everywhere you go - you first get a photo, and then you get to enjoy the activity. The monkey walked up to Matt and I, put his hand on Matts knee and stood for his photograph. We were instantly smitten. Priceless! We then went into the monkey show... just Matt and I. There are 6 breeds of monkeys on the Island but only 1 can be trained. They climb the trees and collect 4-500 coconuts per day. They are so human like its bizarre - our show included a monkey spinning coconuts, swimming, slam dunking basketballs, un-tying a rope from Matts hands and riding a bicycle with training wheels around the stage. Fricken cute. He finished up by shaking our hands and giving Matt a kiss. We were then taken to the ATVs. We were asked to ride around a dirt track to make sure we could each ride unaided. Once the tour operator was happy they let us on our way. We were to follow the guide 3 mtrs behind. We set off up the road all the way to the BIG Buddha at the top of the mountain. The guide advised that we had 20 minutes to look around.. we were bummed... we just wanted to ride bikes. On entry I was asked to put a scarf around my shoulders - I imagine my outfit was probably a bit unsavoury for the environment. The view from the top was extraordinary - what a magical place it is here. We even got a blessing from the love luck buddha inside the temple. We returned to our bikes and descended the mountain. Half way down the hill we pulled off the road onto a dirt track and began our off-road trek. It was gangsta AS... the mud was thick and powder like, and it felt like we were climbing 90 degree verticals. There were 30-50cm divets in the ground and we were flying through that forest. UP hill and down dale we went - with enormous drops either side of us. My hands were cramping from holding the brakes so tight and we were literally sliding down those roads from the top to the bottom. I followed close behind our guide while Matt was on my tail. It was easier that way cause I could follow the path he took - when I was quick enough to react that was... sometimes I would miss it and have to manoeuvre my way out of danger on my own. The deeper we went into those mountains the more dangerous it got. The hills were steeper and the holes deeper. I wanted to ask the driver to double me but their english was so bad that even when I was trying to say I was getting scared they kept nodding and smiling at me. We came to the bottom of a enormous hill, it would have almost been a 300mtr incline to the top - it was so steep. The driver pulled over and indicated that I would need to accelerate all the way to the top. I could already see the track was covered in holes and it was going to be a mission to find a safe path but I figured if I followed him I would be ok. He started the climb and was fish tailing left and right as he went - I held that accelerator in tight and sped up after him. Approximately half way up the hill he got stuck and he was yelling at me to keep going - my throttle was pressed hard into the handle but I didnt know which track to take and I didnt know what to do - I could feel my bike slowing down and I didnt know what to do. As if I was on a two wheeler motorcycle, my feet instinctively went straight to the ground to hold myself and the bike upright but it came to a complete halt and began to slide backward. I hadnt tied my shoes up following the buddha blessing and my lace got caught under the wheel and as the bike slipped I could feel myself getting dragged off the seat. I managed to kick off my shoe just as it went under the front wheel. The guide ran over to my bike screaming at me to brake brake - I knew what he was saying but I just couldnt co-ordinate myself and do it. The bike spun completely around until it was almost facing downhill. The guide, came up beside me and held the brakes on tight while I jumped off and started sprinting to the top of the hill - freaky! When the guide got to the top he passed the bike back to me and said ok now ok - he expected me to climb back on and continue. My confidence was almost shot but I hopped back on and followed him deeper into the mountains. He pulled into a quarry area and began doing donuts on his bike - he waved his hand to Matt and I and told us to do the same. I ate it up - I was in there, shredding up that gravel like a pro. So fun. We were now well and truly an hour or so into the tour and it didnt look like we were going to stop anytime soon. I had completely lost my bearings and had no idea where we were but we pulled out onto a main traffic road. It was peak hour traffic and our guide pulled onto the right shoulder of the road into oncoming traffic. I turned to look at Matt like... is this safe but he just had a massive grin on is face so I kept riding. We rode - 1, 2 , 3km toward incoming traffic - at one stage there wasnt even a shoulder on the bridge and we had to wait for traffic to clear before flooring it over the bridge. If there had been a car or a bike on the bridge at the same time it would have absolutely been a head on collision... wtf. Eventually we pulled into an offstreet and began to climb again - stopping at numerous landings to take photographs. By the time we got back to the camp my backside was in agony and my hands felt like they were locked together but we loved ever minute of it. We returned to our hotel, got cleaned up and went out for some dinner - we ended up getting pulled into the tailor (from beside the fish tank) and he wouldnt let us leave without buying a suit. I decided I could use one for work so I let him measure me up and tell me how great tailors they were and cheap bla bla. We retired to our room about 10pm and crashed - definately the best day ever!
Posted on: Mon, 27 Oct 2014 03:10:35 +0000
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