I told you how it bothered me that i couldnt feel you around me. For the last several months that truly bothered me more than anything else...I didnt know why I couldnt feel you. I thought something was wrong with me. The last three days I spent talking to a friend...well he started out to be a total stranger who knew nothing about me any more than I did him. He read about how I lost you and he understood because he lost the love of his life too. I dont know if he was sent to me or if it was just a coincidence...but it took this one person to be the one to clue me in as to why. Did you take care of everything? No. His ashes...he didnt want to be in a box and he is still, I have to distribute them..i started to...i put some in a necklace for his sister...and made my own memorial the rest...well...I havent finished.... And why havent you done that? I dont know. I have no real excuse. I just dont know. You need to do that. If you promised him you would do it, then that is what is happening. You are blocking him out for some reason and you not fulfilling his request is not helping. He cant rest until you do. But his requests are not that easy. There is a way, you just have to figure it out. You will have this done by the end of the week yes? No...I cant drive his bike...he wanted to ride to the coast on his bike one last ride and I could spread his ashes along the beach...he loved the beach and I still dont know how to drive it. I will work on it and you work on your part and it will be done, but you need to let him in. Now go to sleep and I will talk to you tomorrow. I havent been sleeping at all...i never sleep through a night and I laid my head down and didnt wake up until the morning. The next morning he texts me again and says... I been busy this morning. I posted on a board of the local Harley club in your area, I put in a request that one of their members either a. take his bike and you to the coast, or b. you ride with them on their bike and take him down and lay him to rest. I couldnt believe that he had done this for me. I cried because the wonderful person who knows this kind of heartache did this for me..now...we are waiting for an answer to come in from the board. I proceeded to get your ashes ready to send where you wanted them to go.... I picked up the necklace and slipped it around my neck and then for the first time since you died.... I felt you. You passed through me and surrounded me and I couldnt believe it, i even gasped out loud and cried out that I could feel you......you felt so good...amazing...God I missed you. I have never felt so calm while crying so hard in all my life. You stayed with me...you didnt leave like I thought. I talked to you...apologizing for waiting this long to take care of your cremains. You are going to go home. One way or another, I promise. I wont give up until I find someone to help me set you free from that box that sits on my nightstand, the one place you asked me to not let you stay. I love you.
Posted on: Sun, 06 Jul 2014 23:44:12 +0000
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