****I wake up in an awkward feeling...Yes that feeling when an eagle snatches the fattest chick in your home, Yes that feeling when you go to an M-pesa shop to withdraw, but instead of withdrawing, you just buy airtime instead.Am speaking of that feeling when you are in a very difficult exam where you can only write your name, then you see one of your friends going for an extra foolscap...Yeah, that feeling when you call your boss, cheat him that you are sick and you need like 2 days off, Then after being awarded the off, you compose a message to one of your workmates, explaining to him how you fooled your stupid boss, then guess what, by mistake you send that message to your boss...... In such a feeling, am usually very dangerous. Yes, NA SUA USU NGAVOSA KAKETHE. Using a 1/= coin, I scratch bamba 10/= , and throw the coin to a roadside beggar. I cross Ronald Ngala street. Am heading to that supermarket, TUSKEYS. The scanning device from the gate soldiers indicates that am aint an alshabaab~~I mean i dont do bombing. Am with that awkward friend of mine Nicholas Makusa the guy I had recently chased. Nowadays, me and makusa have seen Mkono wa bwana. I have became a very strong BUSINESS MAN, and makusa has become a very talented DOCTOR. Yes, as a business Man, I do sell sweets, lollypops, boiled eggs and I have a dream that very soon, I will enlarge my stock to include biscuits and some other stuff. Am also in the process of partnering with big companies like Safaricom, JKIA only to mention a few. call that shit business idea. Well the challenges facing me as a business man is that sometimes, I do find myself running out of stock, not that customers have bought too much, but because after I sell for like 5 people and they seem not willing to buy, I usually rest in a shade, and give my stomach its share. Then conclude MALI IYANANGANAA. Ok, let me get back to Makusa, Sorry- Doctor Makusa. Yes, he is a very powerful doctor. I mean he sells those killer medicines., Yeah the medicines which terminates the lifes of Bedbugs and the associated species. Haha as a well trained doctor, he will give his prescriptions verbally so when you meet him, he will be like NDAWA YA NGUNGUNI NGUU KITANDANI WASYAA YOOKANISYE NA MUTHUKUMI. Luckily for him, he is not facing the challanges am facing, thank God he is not selling anything edible. So as you can see, we were coming to this supermarket to uplift our stock. We take our shopping baskets and proceed to do our shopping. Just in the process of doing our shopping, we notice this beautiful girl, just some meters away. Wah, Since that day I had a dream driving a car, I have not been trusting everything I see. So in an effort to confirm that I was not asleep, I called my friend Makusa and told him. Please, can you slap me twice in my face, I just want to confirm that am not in a dream. After slapping, i felt some pain, clear indication that i wasnt sleeping. I felt happy. Now it was my turn to slap him, I took my hand like 2 meters away, then directed towards his face, then stopped it like two inches before slapping him. Then asked him, well have you heard any pain? He replied No, kwani whats happening? I replied,, ooh dont worry, as for you you are dreaming, whatever you are seing is not real. Please continue sleaping. Dont wake up any time soon. Outside here is cold... KINGAUI NITHIAWA NIKYENE VYU. Now, I had eliminated makusa in the competition region. What I needed was now to attract the girls attention. I started pretending that I was very rich. I could thus, shop things I never wanted, Yes every time I noticed she was staring at me, I would pick something like 5-litre juice and insert it in my basket. When she stares away, I could quickly take it back to its shelf. I did this for like 5 minutes, but it seamed I was not winning her attention. I had to uplift my game. I mean I had to purchase something more expensive. I took myself to that electronics stall. I noticed a 45 inch TV screen worth 105,000. With a loud voice, I shouted, Hey Can someone come and test for me this TV screen? I was happy when I noticed the girl was staring at me. Well the person in-charge came and tested the TV. It seamed to be working. It was now time for me to give out the cash- cash I didnt even have. what am I gonna do? With a whispering sound, I said to the person incharge Well the TV is working fine, but I only needed the power cable. How much is it? Well before he answered me, I noticed the lady had gone to the payment queue. I quickly ran outside and waited for her outside. After 1 minute, I saw her coming. I quickly rushed to a nearby car and started pretending it was mine. Yes, I tuned the side-mirror a little bit, kicked the front tire and leaned on the cars door.The lady came and said, Excuse me, I then pretended I was on a phone call and started speaking loudly Hello, yes lets just meet in town after 10 minutes Dont worry If you are late I can drive you home. I knew I had convinced the lady that the car was mine. I then turned to the girl with a smiling face and asked Yes whats the matter dear The girl never said any word, She took car keys from her pocket, opened the car and got inside. She then stretched her right hand towards me, folded all the fingers together and lifted the middle finger alone~~Just a way of telling me F**k you. She then drove away. I stood there opening my mouth for several minutes. Well where the hell has Makusa been all this time?. After I told him that he was dreaming, He threw his shopping basket away and walked to a cake stall nearby, and started crushing them one by one. When the supermarket attendants asked what he was doing, He told them Hey look guys, this is not real. am dreaming. Please stay away. Dont wake me up. let me finish this cakes first. Sitaki kuamuka saa hii mimi. Aliwekelewa kofi moja nikasikia akisema Wuui, Kiake hata hiyo kazi yangu ya u-Dakitari nimeresign. Haha, Makusa amechapwa akatapika Ugali-kienyeji na rice Omena. Nicholas Makusa We were send out of the supermarket and forced to pay those cakes.We walked away with everyone blaming the other. Now we had no enough money for Bus fare. We decided to board a matatu and pretend to be preachers, there we can collect enough money from the offering. Makusa was going to be the preacher and I would pretend to be a very saved passenger. So we boarded Embassava sacco. When the bus took off, Makusa stood up and started Bwana asifiwe, Mi ni pastor, niko na kanisa pale ngara, nimekuwa nikihubiri kwa miaka tano . na bwana amenionekania. From the back seat, I shout a very big AMEN. He continued preaching with me backing him with very big AMENs. Now the crucial time arrived and he said sasa ni wakati wa kubariki mfanyi kazi wa mungu na sadaka . I got into my pocket and took the only 20/= i had and gave it to him. I just wanted other passengers to follow the suit. But I was wrong, hakuna mtu mwingine alitoa sadaka. Makusa took a few rounds begging for offering but all invain. We became sad. He then stood infront of the matatu and said Ok sawa wacha niingie kwa sehemu ya pili ya mahubiri He took his bag and opened it and started shouting Dawa ya mende Pia tunayo, na kama unasumbuliwa na panya usiku dawa ni hamsini hapa. --(TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW) Wapi kule Benkav Munywoki Kavoi, Onaku noukuungamya valeti muthenya.
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 08:00:43 +0000
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