I was in hospital two years ago this month, and while I was there, I wrote a short opener for a musical ~ Consider your Pee ( to the tune of ‘Consider yourself’ from ‘Oliver’ ) Once I verily struggled, To produce some pee, Renal function scuppered, Bladder was empty! After drinking litres Of water through the weeks, Gradually my output Started to increase! They gave me a little satchel, (attached to my willy) Carried it at my side My Louis Vitton for pee. Then Doctors gave me trumpets, To collect the flow, To study qual’ and quantity, Of all the wee let go...! (chorus) So, consider your wee, A bonus! Regard your wee, With pride! When you start a’ peeing, Don’t bottle it inside! Consider your pee The ticket, To get you out and about; Peeing is the best way, Proving you’re alright! Urine isn’t glamorous, Tinkling behind a screen, Trying to flirt with nurses, When you’re in mid stream. There’s no need to be shy though, They’ve seen it all before, Common as a cuppa, On the renal ward. (chorus – with dance sequence down the corridor ) So, consider your wee Important! Consider your wee The key, Gallons of it flowing Improving in quality! Consider your pee Golden beauty, But don’t you splash a drop, If your output decreases, You’ll stay in for months! Once, I thought that weeing, Was a humble thing, Now I know it’s importance Before this summer ends! ‘Cos we’re now in August And I’ve been here for weeks, Collecting religiously all The tinkle from my drink. (chorus – patients and nurses dancing onto concourse) So, consider your pee Your best friend, Consider your pee Your chum! When it’s golden rain time Release it with aplomb! I’m not talking water sports, ( that’s weird stuff with wee ) But a sense of pride to Pee with dignity! Pee with dignity! Pee, With, Dig, nit, teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! ----------------------------- Yes. Well, I was on a lot of painkillers and it was funnier at the time.
Posted on: Thu, 15 Aug 2013 17:37:10 +0000
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