I was reminded by a friend who told me “Barbara how can I forgive my enemies. If I forgive them and they will return and hurt me again.” True!! I advised her to put boundaries. Here goes one story where I had to set boundary: Everyone knew “Barbara and Saffy” are best friends. One day my ex-husband told me “Saffy” was not my friend. She never meant good for me. With her it was competition. It was in 2011 when she sent me mail and I quote “You seemed to have it all, the husband, the great wedding, the car, the perfect parents etc. but look at you. You pretend your life is perfect now in South Africa but you are nowhere.” When I read the e-mail it reminded me of the warning my ex-husband had given me but I never listened. Saffy came to SA in 2013 for a conference and was staying in a hotel in Centurion. She sent a message on Linkein and said she would like to meet me. She was just 15min away from my home. I almost jumped again like I did in the past. But I recalled the email and my ex-husband’s warning. I replied her and told her “Saffy I do acknowledge that we were friends, but now you belong to my past. Now my life has moved on and I humbly request that we part ways in peace. That means I don’t expect any further communication from you. Thank You.” I felt so much peace as I had put a boundary. What is a boundary: it is a “dividing line.” A boundary creates necessary “space” between individuals. Healthy boundaries define expectations and show respect for others. Imagine your stand or plot had no boundary. Imagine you are in a sectional title/condominium but that property has no boundary. What will happen, strangers/thieves/stray animals will come into your property and do what they want. Likewise in our lives we need boundaries Personal boundaries are what define your identity. They’re like the property lines around a home. This is my property and that is not my property. This is me — what I value, am good at, believe, need, or feel — and that is not me. Is it biblical to have boundaries? Here are a couple of facts: 1) God is the author of boundaries—defining the world with boundaries; 2) He established boundaries on what He would bless, and what He would not bless; 3) He made each of us unique, with different talents, skills and possibilities; 4) We have different family backgrounds, values, beliefs and preferences; 5) It is our responsibility to define our personal and relational values, and reinforce them. When we look at the life of our Lord Jesus Christ, we can see he too set boundaries. Remember Mary Magdelene pouring perfume on Jesus feet. What did Judas say: Why wasnt this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a years wages. …Leave her alone, Jesus replied. That is a typical boundary set by saying “No, leave her alone”. In Matthew 17:1 Jesus Transfiguration. Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. If Jesus had no boundaries he would have taken all the 12 disciples. Furthermore, Jesus Said No to Inappropriate Behavior 1) Demands. He withdrew from the crowds who wanted him, for one-on-one time with the Father (Luke 5:15-16). 2) Abuse. He fought his way through the crowd that was trying to throw him off a cliff for claiming to be the Messiah (Luke 4:28-30). 3) Entitlement. He didn’t give in to his mother and brothers who tried to use their relationship with him to pull him away from the crowd he was ministering to (Matthew 12:46-50). 4) Baiting Questions. When the religious leaders asked him baiting questions to make him look foolish he answered with incisive questions of his own (Matthew 21:23-27, 22:15-22). 5) Cynicism. He said no to Herod’s mocking demand, “Show us a sign that you are the Son of God.” (Luke 23:8-9). 6) Manipulation. He said no to Peter and the disciples who had an inappropriate agenda for Jesus to a political king or military warrior rather than a sacrificial lamb. (Matthew 16:23). 7) Pride. He didn’t heal those who were too proud to trust Him (Matthew 13:58). My friend Saffy had always been a manipulator and I allowed her. She would make sarcastic statements that would leave me hurt and bitter. Other times she was jealous and I was jealous. By saying you belong to my past I was setting a boundary to no more jealousy, envy, bitterness. That is my past now am a new creation that chooses my friends wisely. When we forgive our enemies and pray for them, and set a boundary for the sake of your soul... “My dear Jane, This is how far you will go…. We have to part ways like Lot and Abram for the sake of my soul. You hurt me I forgave you. When you hurt me, you left me angry bitter with revenge. I will not live with bitterness anger revenge… it was nice meeting you. Bye and God bless you.” Proverbs 4:23: Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it”. Gods desire is for you to know where your injuries and deficits are, whether self-induced or other-induced. Ask him to shed light on the significant relationships and forces that have contributed to you own boundary struggles. Pray Davids prayer: Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting (Ps. 139:23-24).
Posted on: Thu, 04 Sep 2014 07:21:17 +0000
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