I was running my mouth awhile back about wanting to write a play, but I didnt write a play. And then I let all this time go by. I thought about some stuff, but the pen never hit the paper, or the fingers the keyboard and I paced a lot. A lot. Never wrote a thing except maybe a little bit of my acceptance speech for the Pulitzer Prize. And now, I have to write because there has to be a performance in a month or so....and.....oh dear god thespus, please speed your last-minute muses to me! My fear of failure and all-around suckiness is consuming me. I hate to suck. I need a secretary, a maid, a babysitter, an assistant, a chef, a bartender....drowning in bourbon would be so wonderful right now, but I dont drink and even if I wanted to, Sophie would deck me. And its childrens theater for heaven sake! You cant write childrens theater when your drunk!!.....or CAN you?......My ability to avoid everything that would help me to get er done is in full swing. I would say Im smoking alot, but thats a fact I try to keep quiet due to the obvious backlash they we who puff must endure......while coughing. I want to go to Fiji. Its hard to step down from the daydream world and make it all organized and shit. ...Maybe I wont. I could try to get out of it. .......but the kids......So I will open up that program again and start typing something on this old, slow computer (I run Windows 78). The process of putting together all that we have been planning to do has flowed into place like some miraculous puzzle or a pizza pie! A venue, some backing, a YES from every single person I have yet approached to help out......theyre all excited. And I have nothing to give. And Im sitting here eating my fingernails, which I havent done it years, and sitting, and staring and then pacing. I occasionally pee. ..... Its not even a full length play. Its a hour variety show of showing off. Characters coming in and being weird. Some music to make everybody dancy and happy. .......Working hard to be able to hear a wonderful sound, an entire theater of children laughing hard. Its an amazing noise a really shakes the soul. But I fear more one of the most frighten sounds in the universe, an entire theater of children just sitting there, making no noise, and you begin to hear the rustling of the children whos attention you have lost and will never get back. Its worse than the flu. And Im not sure what to do. I could maybe waste some time writing a very lengthy, self-indulgent post on Facebook. .....done!
Posted on: Tue, 13 Jan 2015 06:46:49 +0000
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