I was so afraid of being alone I would have given anything to be sure I was never alone.. then there was Jessi and I honestly thought I would never feel lonely again.. but now honestly I do .. its hard to face myself everyday knowing that I caused this loneliness and I let it hurt Jessi more then I ever knew... I would never wish for anything to happen to her. I was lonely this whole time and I never even saw it. even with her. but Ive been growing. in ways I never would have if I didnt have this life experience. I never thought this of all things could teach me anything. other then how cold the world is. but I am learning.. how to be a better mother, how to be alone without it being lonely, how loveREALlove(not all talk), and how to be comfortable alone. Im not saying I was a bad person before just that I am becoming a better person each day. I can almost tolerate myself. &thats saying a lot actually. it hurts to say this. but I am almost proud of myself.
Posted on: Tue, 23 Sep 2014 05:03:45 +0000
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