I went with a friend to Frankfort yesterday, and we went to a club in Lexington last night. The band played some songs of the 70s&80s. They reminded me how happy-go-lucky I can be. I danced more than I have in years! And I LOVE to dance!! ...Slow or fast, doesnt matter. Lol! When we drove home, I told him about a trip I went on to Frankfort years ago. One when I was still me, and we had a good laugh about my guards not being down. Not because they were protecting my exs property, but protecting my own moral estate. I had mixed feelings about those memories. But it did help me remember the me that is still in there!! And I know I want so very, very!, much to be her again! To have a love like that for someone again! But not toward someone that cant, doesnt, or just wont love me the same. I know what I have to offer. And even if Im alone another 10 years, like I was 1982-1992, Im going to do all I can not to be fooled and played again!!!! *************** One song just fit me, ...for that night anyway: Till It Shines by Bob Seger m.youtube/watch?v=h0c9r9h47lQ Its about letting your hair down, someone giving you comfort and helping you set aside the pain, loneliness, and trapped feeling for awhile. Storm the walls around this prison, is asking the person your dancing with to help you come past that prison of being faithful. Because that self-imposed feeling that youd be cheating, when the one you love has told you he never loved you and has been with another for 10 months, is just inmates of your own making. And you want, even NEED, someone to free you of the guards youve had around you heart for years, keeping you faithful even when you know the one you love wasnt/isnt. ...But you continue to pray they dont mean to hurt you, and theyll wake up and be who you thought they were. And theres even the asking God to deal up a new future, because of what you know you face as it is; one forced on you by someone you loved and trusted (the chip caused by lines in the vows being broken). The second part fits too. I keep hearing about a car and the house. And how he loves me and is sorry. But theres nothing in sight, just empty promises repeated to keep me hoping, while he decides which HE thinks will tolerate his ways more. ...Yep. I know Im a lovesick idiot. Only a fool for love would wait, and thats just what I told my friend. But Im not selling out. Its love or nothing!!! Ive been too long on these islands, ...far too long alone, ...too long without summer in this winter home, translates to me: on the boat/off the boat were islands in time that I was made to feel I was alone on for at least 15 years; and he was cold (winter) except for when HE wanted intimacy, so I would love to feel the warmth (summer) of a man holding me like he loves me and not JUST when he wants it. The last verse (See the...), is just what hell be when all comes to light. The Till it shines, ISNT the hos Perfectly Polished BJ. Lol! Till it shines, means making something crystal clear and understood. *************** Heres some others I looked up. Some the band did, some are just special to me from over the years: m.youtube/watch?v=xvBYiRfdgYM&feature=kp m.youtube/watch?v=uF0_947VPNA m.youtube/watch?v=MG7uksXOCio m.youtube/watch?v=vQQMJ2u6fGE&feature=kp m.youtube/watch?v=k7FRbeaXjvk&feature=kp m.youtube/watch?v=fY07-DCQ4EI&feature=kp m.youtube/watch?v=Q-868F7squ8 This one I used to sing to Brooklyn when she was a tiny baby. I plan to share as much of my life experiences and knowledge with her as I can. m.youtube/watch?v=if6hWn9KRmA *************** This song has always reminded me of my husband, Bob. He was a strong man, and a good man really. It was the stress of Billys death that just wounded us too bad, and we lost each other in the silence. It was too painful to even think about, much less talk bout; because we knew he would never be back in our arms. As strong as Bob was, cancer took him at 33. I often wonder if the stress he would never allow me help him through made his body more accepting of the illness. Even if just the pain, confusion, and change affecting his subconscious. I know how much he had to have hurt. But he was such a strong man, he was like a rock, when in the presence of anyone. Ill always admire and love him. He was still so caring after we split, he brought kerosene through 6 deep snow to me and his son, AFTER he was in chemotherapy. He knew I couldnt get out to get it, because I only had 2-wheel drive. I prayed for him too. The entire 1 1/2 years he lived after being diagnosed. But I knew he was saved. So what i prayed for was his healing, or that God take it out of him, and put it in me. ...Because I felt our son needed his dad more. Neither ever happened, so I have to have faith God knew best. m.youtube/watch?v=keIvA2wSPZc&feature=kp *************** Against The Wind reminds me of Chris. And the fact that someday hell realize how foolish he was to set away true love. And he will ultimately find out what he threw a faithful wife out for. Hell have more pressure than he ever would have if he had just wanted to work through whatever made him go nuts. I think it was just BB being gone (and is now back), but if he was being truthful, and never loved me, then I guess Im foolish that this song made me think of him. m.youtube/watch?v=ZNaA7fVXB28 *************** These two are Chris too. Lol I used to think he was kidding when he would tell our friends he was drunk/high when we married (which he wasnt), but now I think it was a slur. ...But I guess he can still blame the shame on the moon. Lol! Because SOMETHING made nights feel right enough he stayed for 21 years. Although, in 21 years of forcing myself to trust him, when I knew there was no logical reason to, and being beside him as much-often as I could, I find I NEVER really knew him. m.youtube/watch?v=XUl-83PSZks m.youtube/watch?v=rIV0oovj7vc&feature=kp ***************
Posted on: Sun, 29 Jun 2014 08:41:07 +0000
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