I wish the choice to live wasnt mine, why cant I just have an accidental death. I contemplate suicide daily, real talk. Someone who I thought was my brother once said, dont take the easy way out. I would never kill myself, as much as I hate to be alive. I appreciate everyone who sticks around, its not you. Your the reason Im still here, I put up with this shitty life I could change. But Im all honesty, I cant change destiny. As far back as I remember, Ive just wanted to be loved. Not the kind of love from a friend, or even my family. Dont get the wrong idea I love you all, and you do make my time here more enjoyable. Maybe Im just selfish, spoiled rotten have it my way kind of guy. Or maybe I just want to be loved, unconditionally. Thats what I long for, it makes me want to fight. But my soul couldnt handle a life of meaningless effort. I cant give you material possessions, but that seems like whats important. I have the biggest heart in the world, sure I can say estranged statements. Thats only because this world drives me over the edge, and I stop caring for a moment. I always think I should stop, but people would tell me thats my best quality. Im good looking, not in shape. I can work on that, but currently Im self medicating to stop the mutilation. Sure I talk to much, say it all. I dont want to be the way I am, it must annoy people extremely. And I apologize, I realize you all could care less. I want someone to take my hand, take a chance at love. Maybe thats not how it works, I dont have the chance to entwine. Id love to get to know you, even start to hang out. Id put you first, isnt that what you all want. Id take your cancer, all of your pain. Just to see you happy for a moment, an look upon your gorgeous smile. Id do anything, no everything. Am I too much, or just irrelevant. If you said youd take your life, Id be there holding your hand, talking you threw it. For better, or worse. Its a promise that no matter what, were not giving up. Id do that, yet in a world with nine billion people. Cant seem to find someone that gets me, the real me. I want to give up, but Im not going to quit. I want to be the reason you live, cause your the reason Im alive. I want to save you, Im no hero. I need you to save me, before its to late. Ive almost gave it up, I cant. Ill wait forever, even reincarnate. It seems the more I care, the less Im cared for. The more I try, it backfires explodes in my face. I move to fast, dont take offence. Id hate to have you walk away, all because you want me to show more affection. Gave us time to get to know one another, an someone else come take what Ive been working so hard towards. I know if I gave up, youd walk into my life. But because I know that, it wont happen. Ive had enough for my life, so Im done. Im facing the fact that Ill never get to hold someone close, tell them how my day was. As them about theres, take them to their favorite restaurant. Even though I hate the food, get lost in each others eyes. Remember to buy the brands you enjoy, all the little things about you. What you dislike, like. Get down on my knee, scared as can be. Ask you to never leave, make a bond between lovers. Make love, conceive our seeds. Raise our next generation, show them the love we share. Experience the joys of our planet. No hugs, no long kisses. I dont want that anymore, I dont want anything.
Posted on: Tue, 18 Mar 2014 07:17:09 +0000
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