I would like to just say plainly I have three people I miss greatly at this time. One of is my greatest friend whom I havent spoken to in 5 weeks as the last time we saw each other it wasnt pleasant. The other two are good friends to but I dont know what to think there as stupidly they may genuinely be busy. I havent spoken much at all to be honest in regards to this because I needed to time to sort a few things out. Basically at one point I went with something I dont normally go with heart. I do care about people and that. And at times I know I help without even realising its just natural if that makes sense. Yes. At times there have been occasions where my helpful nature has been good but it also made someone I care about feel a little bit overcrowded which by far wasnt the intention. And I got a little scared that I was being left out which in hindsight was stupid but I just didnt know what to say or do. Anything I could have done may or could have been taken the wrong way. I have been a friend so long and a person so long for others I forgot it was silly. I went with instinct and heart not thinking logically which I never, ever do may I add. Anyway now I havent spoken to a friend in over a month because my curious nature got the better of me. As they said curiosity killed the cat. Ha. Im alive though metaphorically speaking killed a little. I have went to pick up the phone, call, or message, but then if I do Id just muddle it up and for once not say the right thing. If Im honest like I have been I end up on trouble because my pure honesty upset and unbalanced someone when they didnt need it. Honesty is something this person and I value and I tried to value this and was with them. However it lost me a friend and that was not the intent. I aim not to waste knowing this person a long time to go down the drain. I still believe that no man gets left behind. I am not posting this a - to make myself look good or to make others feel bad I just wanted it off my chest before I went. I realise I may have acted too much and not like myself. The issue at hand has resolved as I am always first and foremost a friend. I realise that perhaps my silence has made these people think I dont care or Im angry at them. I admit there was once and only once I felt physically shaken that took me like 2 hrs to actually move. That was the only time, the only time I was angry about. I realise my curiosity got the better of me but my mouth ran away with me and for that Im sorry. For allowing my innocent but loaded comment make someone use drastic measure. I was asking for it and I know this person, never ever has risen to anyone this action before. That was the only thing vulnerability wise I felt ashamed and embarrassed by most. Its stupid I know. But by making this person take such a drastic measure upset me to the core. At the time it more shocked me. Yes. It did but I brought the bad out when usually I try and help people with the good. Honesty first policy, Im sorry. Sorry for what I made you so, sorry for being silly, sorry for being too much, which I know I can be, but if you know me truly then you know I did it only in caring I suppose. It I admit has hurt finding out I have been spoken about in such a hateful manner that people I dont even know believe Im well some sort of freak. But as I said yesterday to a friend after yesterdays event people are entitled to their opinions. I realise its not all about me gosh no. This is just my space and open apology. Usually, usually im good with words. I got told to be honest so there it is. I know just cause we havent spoken doesnt mean we have stopped caring. I still hold the highest respect,loyalty, trust and place for this person in my life. They are the bravest person I know, the most kind and humble and even though they have had a bad time of they always like a cat, land on their feet. I will probably be proving right that eventually I have posted something about it. In this instance pride isnt there nor do I care if I seem lame. This is just a clearing before Im finally away. To those who dont know me why dont you get to know me before you judge. Thats all. Im working the next few days and will not be on here at all so this bit of cyber space at least its out there. Im not retracting anything else I have put out there already it is just sorted the way it was before any issue became of it. Believe me theres more important things than that. One other thing I will never nor have I ever tried to take a persons free will a way. I believe greatly the Assassins Creed motto to be right. I am sorry if you felt this way but I will only say I have never nor will I ever take away something that I value very much as one of the basic cores of humanity. Story over. Im sorry. A full hearty fool pulls all the punches and has made someone feel out of place unintentionally. Im sorry I tried to ask for help but didnt go about it properly it seems like overbearing but it was embarrassment only to just being honest. Whether it be work, the latest health issue which was scary or something other than this. I just wanted a friend ( this not aome at badness) just the honesty I tried to tell you. All it was in a few extra hellos or that in communication was me simply embarrassed to ask for help, which made the situation worse for that Im sorry it was foolish. Not foolish in seeking help just the errors that occurred with it. I hope in yourself you will forgive me. I dont aim to lose the closest, most loyal friend and family I have gained simply by me being an idiot , before you say its a pity party its just me getting it out before I leave. No more. You once told me of your reaction when we never spoke for 3 weeks well lets just say that karma got me back these last five weeks. And I understand fully what you must have been thinking and feeling. I dont know if you still consider me a friend but I havent lost that thought in you. Thats is there probably more but eh. Id be here all day. Lol. Bye.
Posted on: Thu, 06 Mar 2014 06:03:12 +0000
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