I wrote this piece September 13 or 14th 2001. I was living in NYC at the time of 9/11. My godchild Jessamyn and her twin sister Marisa lived in Northern California. They had read my first email about 9/11 to the student body in their high school. I was one of the only people they knew who was in NY on the street when it happened. Everything was still very fresh in my mind and as you can tell, some of the truth of what happened on 9/11 was not known. So this is a note - on the fly - was as it was happening. We Will Get Thru This It’s very difficult here. There are so many aspects to this that are near unbearable. The air is thick with toxic smoke at different times and New Yorkers wear dust and medical masks when it gets very bad. If you live downtown, there’s absolutely no way to avoid any aspect of this – you are confronted by it every minute. If you are uptown, it’s a bit easier to not think about it all the time. I realize now that no one has probably ever witnessed the deaths of 10,000 people in a moment before. The impact is enormously painful. There are simply no words to express the horror of the moment especially if you watched it from the street – viscerally understanding what just happened when the towers went down. It takes away a part of you. A part of you that was all about freedom of spirit. You realize you now have a responsibility to a different life. I was eating breakfast with a friend by Washington Square Park in the village (about 4 blocks from where my new apartment will be). The location is about 35 blocks from the Twin Towers. They are huge, and take up the skyline and the park gives you a perfect straight in view. We saw the first plane in Tower 1 on the TV in the diner and I suggested we walk to the park to see what was happening. My friend watched for a minute, and without realizing what was happening, decided to go home. I stood with a hundreds of other people in the part, with a straight line view into the towers. Somewhere along the way, the second plane hit – I didn’t hear it, and only saw the explosion. All the while, I tried my mom on the cell. I couldn’t get thru because the satellites were jammed. At first I thought it was an accident, but when the second plane hit, I knew like everyone else, it wasn’t. There were now about a thousand people in the park watching. Some horrified. Some bewildered. I decided to move to 6th Avenue, where the view was more direct. I was stunned, but understood that this was very important. There was nothing that could prepare me for what happened next. After reaching 6th avenue, I reached my mom on the cell. I began to tell her what had happened (it was just after 6am in LA). I watched fire engines running down 6th avenue. Sirens raged around the city. I began to cry. She told me “I will be you – don’t hang up – I’m with you through this”. About 15 minutes later, I saw images of people jumping from high floors of Tower 1. Ruth was naturally upset that I was watching this, but I couldn’t avert my eyes. I felt these people had one life, and they were leaving this earth because they had to. Someone had to witness their end as well, so that it would be acknowledged. It was very difficult to do that, and I’ve had a lot of feelings about it, but I don’t regret a moment of it. Bearing witness is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone when they are in pain. All of a sudden Tower 2 evaporated. I began to scream on the street. (There were thousands of people on 6th Avenue – a lot were stunned, some were crying, some were screaming. I started to vomit. I kept asking, “what about all the people? They’ve all gone”. I was completely horrified at what I had just seen. I couldn’t absorb the full reality of what had just happened but I knew it was awful. Ruth watched on CNN with me, crying with me, and comforting me as well as she could. I began to talk with someone next to me. He had helped install the steam system in the Towers and he explained why Tower 2 when down. He explained the pilots must have known how to hit the towers to create maximium impact, and that the heat would melt the steel. He told me that though the towers didn’t have water in them to put out the fire, if they could get enough water into tower 1, it might be saved. It was hopeful. I prayed for water and gave the phone to him to explain this to Ruth. I though she should know. As he was talking with her, Tower 1 melted. I was numb. I thanked him, took the phone and walked away towards the Hudson River. I understood they were all dead and the only thing left was the horrible smoke heading directly towards me. I walked to the Hudson River. Thousands of business people were walking up the west side highway. They were so out of place – a beautiful fall day in NY with temperatures in the 80s, and men and women in full business suits trying to get somewhere else. The police had set up road blocks so no traffic would come thru the highway, but it was clear this was all new procedures. Eventually I went home. I didn’t hang up with my mother until I reached my apartment, almost 2 hours later. I’m so grateful I wasn’t alone in this and could share it with her. Since then, I talked with her 3 times a day at least. I talk with each of my closest friends every few hours. No one wants to be alone in this horror. The rest is all over tv. The pain is everywhere. People are just still numb from what happened. Lots of people seem to have vanished in a moment, which is almost too cruel, as not knowing is worse in some was. No clarity. Only fear. We’ve had 90 bomb threats today in New York. You need to show ID to get below 14th street right now. There are FBI agents with oozies two blocks away from where I live. Everyone is scared. In spite of that, without a doubt, I can’t think of another city that could endure this unbelievable pain. New Yorkers are resilient and refuse to be caught sitting in this situation. I’ve stood in lines with thousands of young people wanting to donate their time to help the EMS crews. Everyone I know has tried to give blood (maybe next week – they don’t seem to want it right now). This city has an incredible ability to rise to the occasion – its traditions and love of its people will surely see thru all this. I hope you can accept this report of what happened. I know its raw and very painful. It’s only a small tiny piece of a small tiny portion of what this city is going thru right now. But we will get thru this. No question. And there will probably be lots more to deal with down the road. But I know you will be there for me on the other end of the phone if I call, and I certainly will if you do as well. Much love, Celia
Posted on: Thu, 11 Sep 2014 06:48:56 +0000
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