IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH... Thats the overwhelming feeling I woke up to this morning. I pressed on, anyway. Today should have been a special day - one of excitement and pride in progress. I earned the biggest paycheck that Ive ever seen in this business... actually, in my LIFE! It was more today that I used to earn in a month or more. But still, the insecurities started to creep in. This isnt about money... that will never make me truly happy. For so long, Ive had these big goals - financial and otherwise and Im hitting them all. Ive learned to put others goals ahead of my own, to help them grow and reach their wildest dreams. My business is in the top 100 out of over 150,000 in this company, and Im in the top .01%! Shouldnt that be enough? Ive quickly learned that that will NEVER be enough. That will never be what drives me, fulfills me, or lights the fire within me. Ive spent countless hours working towards SUCCESS when true joy is found in PURPOSE. I felt a tightness in my chest that I havent felt in some time. Anxiety, doubt, pain and fear compressed my lungs and I sat completely lost, wondering why what I had worked for wasnt enough. And then it clicked. I realized that the numbers will never represent my worth. Not the numbers in my paychecks, on the scale, or in the rankings. For me, I feel ALIVE when I bring a sense of HOPE back into someones life. I feel like ME when I remind someone WHY they were put on this earth. I know Im doing what is right when I am an instrument of Gods will, not of my own WANT. THAT is my purpose. That is what brings me peace. That is WHY I do what I do. This is only a platform for me to strive to create more beauty in the world. This pain I feel is so that I can relate to others who feel it to. This doubt is what teaches me to BELIEVE. This is not my job, it is my ministry. And with that FAITH in the purpose chosen for me, I know I can fight the fears that find their way in, once in a while.
Posted on: Thu, 20 Mar 2014 18:11:30 +0000
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