Iced Down Car This guy drives up to his house and the place where he usually parks is full of snow. So, he parks in a nearby parking lot and walks back home to shovel out a car-sized space in front of his house. It takes hours to shovel, but finally done, he walks back to the lot to get his car. When he returns home, he finds that the space has been taken by some other car. He is, well, upset. What most people do is write nasty notes, etc. and place them on the windshield of the offending vehicle. Police sometimes get involved, however, when the individual vents his wrath in somewhat more violent means. Tires and throats have been slashed over this. So, this guy decides to get creative. Instead of doing the usual nasty note, he got out his garden hose and watered the automobile down, real well. I mean, very, very thoroughly. The water of course froze solid. When the owner returned, instead of a car, he found a car-sized popsicle. The note on the car read, You want the space? Here. Its yours until spring! ____________________ A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. “Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners” “Go away!” said the old lady. “I haven’t got any money!”, “I’m broke!” and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide open. “Don’t be too hasty!” he said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.” And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure on to her hallway carpet. “If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder. The old lady stepped back and said, “Well I hope you’ve got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning.” What part of broke do you not understand? ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬_______________________________ Q: Why do gay men have mustaches? A: To hide the stretch marks. Q: Why were lesbians created? A: So feminists couldnt reproduce! Q: Why did god give women nipples? A: To make suckers out of men. Q: How do you know youre leading a sad life? A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, Lets just be friends. Q: What do you call a guy with a one inch dick? A: Justin. Q: Why havent they cremated Colonel Sanders yet? A: They cant decide whether to do him regular or crispy. Q: What did the wife do when she found out her husband was gay? A: She turned around and took it like a man. Q: Whats the difference between a boxer and a woman? A: A boxer stands up to get knocked down and a woman lies down to get knocked up. ¬¬¬¬¬¬_____________________________ EVEN GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH! There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: 1. He called everyone brother. 2. He liked Gospel. 3. He didnt get a fair trial. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: 1. He went into His Fathers business. 2. He lived at home until he was 33. 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian: 1. He talked with His hands. 2. He had wine with His meals. 3. He used olive oil But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian: 1. He never cut His hair. 2. He walked around barefoot all the time. 3. He started a new religion. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian: 1. He was at peace with nature. 2. He ate a lot of fish. 3. He talked about the Great Spirit. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish: 1. He never got married. 2. He was always telling stories. 3. He loved green pastures. But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman: 1. He fed a crowd at a moments notice when there was virtually no food. 2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didnt get it. 3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do. ____________________________
Posted on: Fri, 01 Nov 2013 13:53:38 +0000
Trending Topics
© 2015