Id like to stay anonymous with this one, please. I just need to vent this story with people that will understand. Yesterday was rough for me. Ive been a dispatcher for about a year and a half. Thirty minutes from my shift being over, a man called 911 saying that he couldnt breathe and that he was dying. He was hard to understand because he was gasping for breath and while I tried to verify his address and get him help, he passed out, dropped the phone and the line went dead. I dont think I can accurately express the helplessness I experienced in that moment. I was positive Id just listened to this man die. I was convinced I was the last person he spoke to. Not but a few minutes later, while weve got about 4 people standing around my console continuously playing back the recording and trying to figure out the correct address, someone else in the household found him, called and CPR was started. Knowing that they were finally going to the right house, I just mentally and emotionally shut down, packed up my things, told my supervisor I was leaving and walked out. Ive never had a call shake me up so bad. Im normally a very level calltaker and it was very out of character for me to react the way I did. While most of coworkers were very supportive and concerned for me, I had one coworker tell someone that Id have to learn to get over reacting like that. That if I wanted to make it as a calltaker and a trainer, Id need to cut that out. Heres the thing: I refuse to be sorry. I refuse to not care about the person who dials 911, no matter the circumstances. It is my job to deal with everyones worst day and sometimes those days are too much to handle. Usually I can laugh and shake off the rough calls, but I just couldnt do it yesterday. If it had happened in the middle of my shift, Id have gone to the quiet room and taken some time to refocus. But I will not apologize for having my heart break because I can imagine this man dying alone somewhere and Im unable to get him the help he needs. I refuse to get so absolutely numbed out by this job that I can take a call like that and shrug it off. I dont know if I really did overreact or if my reaction was appropriate. I just know that I cant let myself become a zombie. On a very positive note, I found out the next day that EMTs got a pulse back and he is currently in the ICU. Im so very grateful for my fellow calltaker who have CPR instructions and our amazing EMTs that brought him back from the edge. CJS
Posted on: Sat, 23 Nov 2013 20:44:44 +0000
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