If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent? If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery? If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldnt they call you first? If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isnt the plural of booth beeth? If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi? If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently? If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why dont they wear a pair of bras? If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry? If you bear a child, why do you have a cow? If you can read the marking, isnt that end already up? If you cant drink and drive, why do you need a drivers license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots? If you dive into a pool of dry ice, can you swim without getting wet? If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the driver end up owing you money? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you plan a surprise birthday party for them? If you have an open mind why dont your brains fall out? If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- objects in mirror are closer than they appear, how can that be possible? If you keep trying to prove Murphys Law, will something keep going wrong? If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain? If you put freeze-dried coffee in the microwave, will you go back in time? If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when youre done? If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record? If you take a shower, where do you put it? If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? If youre cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly? If youre traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens? Instead of talking to your plants, if you yell at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure? Is a castrated pig disgruntled? Is it possible to be totally partial? Is it progress if a cannibal learns to eat with a fork? Is it true that cannibals dont eat clowns because they taste funny? Is there a Dr. Salt? Isnt hot water already hot? Can you grow birds by planting birdseed? Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach? Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? Shouldnt it be called a near hit? Shouldnt it be some things in moderation? Shouldnt there be a shorter word for monosyllabic? There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? What came first the chicken or the egg? What color is a chameleon on a mirror? What colour would a smurf turn if you choked it? What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed? What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious? What do sheep count when they cant sleep? What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants? What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbits foot? What hair color do they put on the drivers license of a bald man? What happened to the first 6 ups? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? What happens when you call a 1-800 number collect? What is a free gift? Arent all gifts free? What is another word for thesaurus? What is the speed of dark? What part of the monkey do you use a monkey wrench on? What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant? Whats another word for synonym? When blind people go to the bathroom, how do they know when they are done wiping their butt? When people lose weight, where does it go? When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs? When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves? When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away? When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why youre just sitting there, staring at carpeting? When youre sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in? Where are Preparations A through G? Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all? Who invented accents? Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have an s in it? Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers arent afraid to have a Chapter 11? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Why are the cabs from the Yellow Cab Company painted orange? Why are there never any artists materials in a drawing room? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are they called stands when theyre made for sitting? Why are we afraid of falling? Shouldnt we be afraid of the sudden stop? Why arent there bullet-proof pants? Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Why didnt Luke Skywalker tell Darth Vader to turn to the light side of the Force? Why do airlines call flights nonstop? Wont they all stop eventually? Why do bars advertise live bands? What does a dead band sound like? Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing? If your feet smell and your nose runs, are you built upside down? Why do guys wear underpants? Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee? Why do they call it disposable douche? Is there a kind of douche you keep after using? Why do they call them apartments when they are all stuck together? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? Why do they report power outages on TV? Why do they sell a pound cake that only weighs 12 ounces? Why do tugboats push their barges? Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? Why do we have hot water heaters? Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays? Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase? Why do we sing Take me out to the ball game, when we are already there? Why do we wash bath towels? Arent we clean when we use them? Why do you weep and sniffle over a TV program and the imaginary Why does cleave mean both split apart and stick together? Why does slow down and slow up mean the same thing? Why does an alarm clock go off when it begins ringing? Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing? Why doesnt onomatopoeia sound like what it is? Why dont you ever hear about gruntled employees? Why dont you ever see baby pigions? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist? Why is a womens prison called a penal colony? Why is it called a building when it is already built? Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after? Why is it called a TV set when you only get one? Why is it called after dark, when it is really after light? Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC? Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, its called cargo? Why is it that when youre driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is it when a door is open its ajar, but when a jar is open its not adoor? Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a near miss? Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same? Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto? Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? Why is the word abbreviate so long? Dont you have to get up to get to the tape? Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream? Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission? Why isnt palindrome spelled the same way backwards? Why isnt phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why isnt there mouse-flavored cat food? Would a fly without wings be called a walk? You know how most packages say Open here. What is the protocol if the package says, Open somewhere else? Can fat people go skinny-dipping? After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water? You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why cant they make the whole plane out of the same substance? Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs? Have ex-bankers become disinterested? Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted? Have ex-locomotive engineers been derailed? Have ex-mathematicians become dysfunctional? Have ex-punsters been expunged?
Posted on: Fri, 25 Oct 2013 15:33:30 +0000
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